View RSS Feed



Rate this Entry
Hello all and I hope you are doing well. I have decided to start blogging because I get really lonely in my life and feel that it doesn't have to be this way. There are soo many people with sooo many issues and if I can help one person not feel so alone by sharing my stories then I think it will serve a purpose. I'm an ABDL, I love being a Daddy's baby girl. One day I want to have a babysitter that will take over some of mommy responsibilities that daddy can't do. Is it more fantasy than maybe reality will allow? I don't know but I hope it's possible. Some other things about me:
  • I have an Eating Disorder
  • I have tried to commit suicide, last one was just a week ago
  • I have depression
  • I have anxiety
  • I was made fun of in school that affects how I relate to people today
  • I volunteer and help with disasters
  • I am a disabled American Veteran
  • I want to share my struggles because I don't want others to feel alone
  • I am a cutter, self-injurer however you want to label it
  • I have three dogs and a bunny rabbit
  • I haven't seen most of my friends since I left the Navy 3 years ago
  • I don't tolerate mean people
  • I want to be breastfed
  • I want to be an art therapist and work for non profit organizations one day too!

Soo that's a lot about me. Maybe not be too interesting to other people out there but it's my life. Someone on this earth that struggles and knows how lonely the world can feel. Also how mean, cruel and heartless people can be too. If you decide to follow me or read this I hope you send me a message. I hope that we can support each other. My family never knows how to support me in my recovery or how to handle my issues. I had a panic attack once and they freaked out. Hope to see messages soon!


  1. Starrunner's Avatar
    Hello, littlecorker,
    I'm glad you're sharing this information with us. You have so many issues that you're dealing with. I hope you're getting good support from your daddy.

    It's interesting to me that you want to be an art therapist and work for a non profit organization. On spite of everything that is setting you back right now, you still have goals and dreams and want to put them to good use by helping others. It's a worthwhile road and one that will pay off for you, I promise.

    Many years ago I attempted suicide and have learned to live with depression. It didn't hold me back and eventually I found my way back to school to take up a career in social services. My salary is pretty non profit as well, but I've loved the work and dedicated my life to helping others. I see the same future for you. It does get better in time.

    I see from your posts you've already been helping out and giving some insightful advice to other people here around eating disorders and other issues. Your experience and knowledge will be of great assistance to a number of people who are going through similar problems. Sometimes we find meaning in our own lives in giving of ourselves to others.

    I am concerned about the recent suicide attempt and the ongoing cutting. It sounds like there has been more than one attempt. Do you have anyone to talk to when these feelings come up? Have you been able to identify what triggers them? Has something happened in your life that is causing it, or is it more clinical? There are so many questions and I would love to know more about you. I wrote an article recently so that people here could access suicide helplines. I hope that doesn't sound like a shameless plug, but, anyway, here is the link for it:


    I used to work in a youth drop-in many years ago and there were a lot of cutters there. It was always difficult seeing so many young people hurting themselves. Cutting can be a way of coping with problems or distract you from your life, or release emotional pain. If you want to stop but donít know how, always remember you deserve to feel better than this, and you can get there without hurting yourself.

    Take care, my friend. Hugs to you,
  2. littlekorkor's Avatar
    Hello starrunnier! Thank you for your concern and comment. Yes I am seeing a professional therapist! I also have a great doctor and will be starting partial as soon as I get back from vacation. I'm also in a DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) group once a week. My last attempt was out of the blue it seemed like. I was having thoughts and usually do if I get in a stressful situation but I started drinking and the next thing I knew I was trying to OD on my meds. It was more impulsive than anything. I even went to my therapy apt and DBT group that day. I didn't even want to kill myself before that night. I have been cutting since I was 11 years old. I tend to start, stop then start again. Thankfully I do it in rare circumstances and it's mainly when my depression is bad. I also have the veterans suicide hotline on hand. The last time I tried I didn't even think about it. Thank you for your encouragement. What I will probably do is go to school for social work and have a specialty in counseling and Art Therapy! I've attended many groups and find them the best way to take my mind off the other crap going on in my head. I hope to be back to school by this spring semester with the resent hospitalization and me going to partial I think it is the best choice. I'm excited about going back to school but want to be able to give it my all when I go back. Plus I'm transferring to a smaller school and less snobby than Miami University in Oxford Ohio! If you want to email me or talk also my email is [email protected]!
    Again thank you for your concern and questions. I'm a huge fan of TWLOHA and I believe in sharing my story to help others.

  3. Aidy's Avatar

    If you don't mind me asking is your disability your mental illness or physical too? My brother's a vet and has his struggles as well. Lucky, his only physical injury is an elbow joint that doesn't function too well so most of his disability is mental and mostly around hating selfish civilians and rage. I hope your veteran affairs supports you better than ours does! We're taking ours to court for my brother and 2 other vets who the government are saying aren't injured. (One can't walk for more than 5 minutes)

    What type of disaster work do you do? I'm a volunteer firefighter and I'm training my dog to join the Urban Search and Rescue (USAR) with the hope of eventually getting deployed to bigger disasters. USAR is kind of useless where I live since we don't have earthquakes and cyclones barely touch houses up north. So international deployment is what I'm hoping to do with my dog. I'm also looking to train in logistics to help with the care of people displaced by the disaster.

    It's great to share with others what's going on. I can understand what you mean by sudden impulses. I was the same where I didn't want to die but I had impulses to do so. For a few weeks I stopped driving my car just in case and got my brother to stay with me. I think our generation (20-30) is finally opening on mental health and it's great you're talking openly about it. One of the biggest points in my battle with depression was when, during a debrief for a particularly bad car crash, a career firefighter told me about his own battle and post traumatic growth. The other big turning point was when I stopped drinking. I had been drinking heavily for 3 years and moderately since I was 18 but still don't think I was an alcoholic.. compared to most Australians. But I haven't had a beer in a year and a half which I think made it a lot easier for my doctor to help me pin point my problem.

    I'm constantly trying to spread the word of the amazing treatment I received. If you have a family history of depression and/or treatment resistant (drugs don' work) look up "The Walsh Institute." Changed my life.
  4. littlekorkor's Avatar

    I am so sorry the VA is jerking your brother and others around. Has your brother talked to a service officer instead of the VA? Disabled American Veterans (DAV) has many good service officers there.I went straight to my local service officer after I was discharged. My disabilities are Coupled under a mood disorder. When it comes to the Disability ppl what I have there and what my actual diagnoses are, well my VA doctors disagree. I've tried to change it but my service officer said there wasn't anything I could do about it. I'm mainly seen for depression, anxiety and my eating disorder. The Navy discharged me with a misdiagnosis of borderline personality disorder and the psychiatrist I seen for my recent disability eval told me I was bipolar??? I also have acid reflux and a back issue. overall I'm %80 but am receiving %100 because of me being unemployable at the moment. the VA lacks communication. I hope your brother wins his battle. I waited a year for my disability to get back to me then six months for unemployability. what they do is horrible.

    I have finally found a good therapist and psychiatrist and they are through the VA. I just got put on another medication to help my anti depressant. I hope it works. I've even suggested electric shock treatments but they said it was too extreme. plus I don't have insurance outside the VA but I think that may change at the end of the year. I don't like my primary physician. I will definitely look up the Walsh Institute though.

    I Volunteer with the American Red Cross. I've mainly dealt with floods and a few fires and one ice storm. If you want look up your local chapter. with your experience I'm sure the organization could use you. I volunteer with a lot of EMTs. the Red Cross doesn't know about my little side though.

    thank you for replying. I hope you stay well
  5. Aidy's Avatar
    I'm Australian so different system. Sounds like your VA is a lot better than ours but not by much.

    My brother, according to the VA, is less than 10% disabled which every single doctor has said he's more. But VA knows more about medicine than doctors of course. Our Returned Servicemen's League (RSL) is terrible with young veterans so it's been hard to get him help but luckily a new group of frustrated young veterans has started up and they've helped a lot. Young Diggers they're called. (Digger is what Australians call our soldiers. It's a huge term of respect) They've done a lot to help us organise a lawyer. This lawyer has made his entire career dealing with DVA and he laughed out loud when we showed him his case. He said if he can't get 50% disability he'll do it for free. I'm sure it will go fine.

    Huge respect for volunteering with the EMTs. We call them paramedics here and they're run by St Johns Ambulance, another NGO, so not Red Cross. I think paramedics are the most amazing people in the emergency services. Us firefighters get all the glory by cutting open a car.. Gee wizz.. I used a can opener!

    Red Cross is very big in Australia but is mainly blood donations, aged care and caring for refugees in Australia.

    I think emergency services and being little go well together. Being little helps you feel like you're not just protecting people all the time. Someone is there to protect you too. It also helps that I'm a little boy and get to go in my fire truck and dress up. - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.