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Autism, Cerebral Palsy, and being an "Adult Baby"...#190

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I am still sitting on my potty/hell chair.
Only allowed off it to retrieve the mail from the mailbox.
Every so often, my bladder spasms and I feel the pee-pee
coming out.
Even though my abuser, my Mom has been deceased since 2008,
I still feel I have to obey her, as if I were still a small little boy.
She forcibly made me "clean and dry".
But, I am utterly incontinent and this adult potty chair is simply for
"self-imprisonment", whenever I feel that I have been a very bad
boy, even if I can not help but uncontrollably "wet my bed", because
the parts that make the pee-pee just do not work correctly anymore.
I am mute and silent as I sit on my adult potty chair.
I apologize that I rigidly enact harsh self-punishments upon myself.
I always have.
Even when my Mom was alive, I inflicted "very long time-out punishment"
upon m myself just to make my Mom not scream at me over every little
thing I ever did.
I am mutely hugging "Howard Hug" my teddy bear.
He is helping me to endure being shut-in here in my air-conditioned
bedroom, undressed and only wearing a t-shirt, and sitting on the
adult potty chair.
I am supposed to be "free", since she passed-away from medical problems
she brought upon herself.
I still do not feel "free"...
The way she "toyed with my profoundly rigid autistic-wired mind", I am still "mentally imprisoned" in the same rigid routines which "kept me safe
and alive" to endure her illogical crazy outbursts and behavior.
Sitting on the Hell Chair...
Sitting on the Hell Chair...
Sitting on the Hell Chair...

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