Cloth v. Disposables: A Diaper Diatribe of Delusional Degrees
by, 26-May-2015 at 02:30 (314 Views)
Last one, I pinky swear! AND it's all about diapers! CLOTH ones! And there's adventure...and a princess...and a pink unicorn! Wait, some of that might not be right....
**TAP TAP** testing...testing...ahem.
Your honor, members of the jury, you are all excused. The battle that will be fought in this courtroom is one of personal preference and therefore not subject to your mediation. You are all welcome to stay and participate but I must warn you. Here will be talk of diapers! Here will come words on wetness! Here shall be crafted mental images of a physically grown man with the occasional mind of a child! If that does not offend your judgeship, your jury-ness, then by all means stay and enjoy. And if it does? Well, I believe you know the way out. And if you don't, certainly the bailiff can show you.
* clever title? Check!
* funny intro? Check!
* veiled warnings about the content of this writing? Check!
Ok, Marky's brain...enough...just get to it...it'll be dinner time soon...
You fine folks may or may not know that I've recently tried cloth diapering twice, with a much better result the second time around. I posted about it the first time just in the stream (ha!) and it was a disaster! (Not the posting, but the actual experience.)*
So I joined a cloth diaper specific group here in [Naughty website self censored for littler ears!]-land and went begging for tips. And I got 'em in spades! Those folks were so helpful and spend a LOT of time in cloth diapers. They knew all the tricks of the trade and were happy to share. Gods bless their soggy little bottoms.
The second time, which was just a about a week ago if my swamp of a brain hasn't chosen to be a fibber, went much more smoothly. I was smart about things from the concept of this trial and got two differently sizes diapers, one L and one XL. The first trial, prewashed, I just used the L. I had trouble fitting it around to pin. And the XL,*prewashed, almost came up to my nipples! *Washing and drying the both of them proved to be a key element, as they both shrank quite a bit. So the second time I folded the L into a soaker and, after a short struggle, was able to use four pins, as suggested by the group, to fit the XL firmly in place at the top, if not the...ahem...bottom.
The result? Success!....ish... The diaper still sagged a little in the crotchal region, which was fixed with the addition of plastic pants and a onesie. Gods damn it all, I've SEEN non-sagging cloth diapers in pictures, so I KNOW it can be done. I mean once they're wet, sure I get it, sag a little, you've been treated roughly and you deserve a break. But to sag out of the gate? C'mon, gotta do better than that.
Why bring this up? Because, I've always had a love/hate relationship with cloth diapers. I think they look cute as hell and fun as well, as they say. I'm not in the Number 2 Brigade, so cleanup is only slightly more difficult than disposables. And the cutesy little plastic pants available online? Who wouldn't want those? But then there's the difficulty in pinning them on yourself (ain't nobody gonna volunteer for *this* mission), the necessity of plastic pants (cute as a bug's ear but expensive never a clean pair when you need one) and the washing, washing, washing!*
Those are all traversable issues, though, and the benefits far outweigh the inconveniences. Not to brag, but I've been called "adorable" by a few folks of late. But when I realized that this thick thing pinned around my delicates encouraged my long, striding gait to become what I can only describe as a waddle? Forget the compliments, I just **FELT** adorable! And I loved the feel of the soft cotton against my skin, too. Very breathable, which is important to a hot potato like myself. Plus, although, I don't remember my first time in diapers, it sparked a warm nostalgia that really helped me achieve and maintain my little-hood. **HUGE** benefit! The **HUGEST**, actually!
So, I'm not throwing in the terry just yet, despite the mishaps, leaks (oh bABy, they do **NOT** absorb as quickly as disposables! Yikes!) and other such disasters. I'm gonna keep on chooglin, practicing and getting better each time. I ain't no quitter. And I've got people who want to help me fulfill that goal, so it's kinda like I'm not even alone! It's not like I ever want to make it a full time thing, (being diapered in general or being cloth diapered specifically) but I want to be able to get it right when I feel like it.*
And yes I'll keep filling America's landfills with my unnecessary disposables, despite the guilt. I'm no tree hugger, but that doesn't mean I can't weep with the willows in the whispering wind, as they say. Those planet-killers are *also* very cute and fun, especially the ones made just for the kiddish side of us, your Snuggies, your Bambinos, your Awwsocutes, what have you. And there's no law (yet! Give 'em time...) against wearing plastic pants over them. In fact the same pair of plastic pants that were too small for cloth? Perfect for disposables! Throw convenience into the mix and you'd have to be blind not to see the allure. Sorry, world.*
I do hope you continue to call me adorable, even after all this.
There's something to be learned here, a demon to be confronted and then promptly ignored. Norton Juster's "Horrible Hopping Hindsight, a demon which has its eyes on its rear end. It never sees where it is going, only where it has been, and always thinks that each movement could have been better."
No shit, right?