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LilMarky

What the heck am I into, anyway? (Part 1, because I believe all words should be given a chance to live.)

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I juuuust couldn't help myself, could I? Gotta be a big man and post ALL the words...



Yesterday evening, I lost my virginity. Socially, that is. I attended, for the first time, an event hosted by a local group (read, family) of kinksters. In all aspects, save that of the manner of dress displayed, it was a casual gathering, which put my poor, black, twitterpated little heart at some ease. I'll be doing a post on that later, I'm sure. But for now just let me say, if it's something your thinking about doing? Do it! I know it's scary! I'm a big tall fella, and, having been in a scrap or two in my illustrious career as a human being, I feel confident I could take good care of myself. Know what? I was STILL terrified! Like shaky, sweaty, smoke-way-too-many-cigarettes, kinda terrified. But it all worked out and nobody pointed and laughed. Maybe it's just the dopamine speaking, for I am *still* coming down from the pleasure of the event, but I feel like it's a reasonable assumption to make that your experience will be similar. Be brave, folks! If you want to live your dreams, be brave!

Jumpin' Jehoshaphat, Marky...get to the dang point...

Toward the end of the evening, I had the opportunity to talk to the hostess and several others about what I was into, the phrasing of which was quickly self-corrected by the speaker to the more proper and response-encouraging "What are you curious about?" Being new to the group, this was their attempt to learn more about me, while doing what they could to make me feel at ease. Common (one would hope), responsible and friendly. As, I can assure you, was my eloquent response of "....Duuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh...."

The truth is, although I've been in and out of littledom for a kinda long time now, I've never had an outlet for a casually serious discussion on the matter. In short? I'd been going through the mechanics of maintaining a solo AB lifestyle as I felt it should be, but I had never *really* pondered the question of how it would evolve if anyone else ever became involved, or even what paths I wanted to travel alone. (Ok, that's not "in short" now is it?) And, motivations being the puppeteers of actions, as they say, I'd think it'd be obvious that this kind of soul searching might be crucial to enhancing the enjoyment of your (insert interesting thing you do here.)

There may be a few of you, with keener literary noses, or a particular attention to detail accompanied by the pleasure of reading my wordy screeds, who may smell another two-parter. The problem is that while I will always do my best to edit for grammar (mostly), structure (ha! And ha! again), and style (now we're getting there), I'm just awful at editing for content, time or space. And I think it's important to keep this in digestible little nuggets.

Plus, while I'm sure everyone can benefit from the encouragment and advice in this post, not everyone will want to watch me perform brain-altering, soul-exposing emotional surgery on myself.

Gods, I'm in for some bullshit-wade-through-ery now ain't I?

Stay tuned and in the immortal words of Vonnegut: "There's only one rule I know of, babies: "God damn it, you've got to be kind."

You tell 'em, Kurt...
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