Why I'm here: literally, the ultimate post in the series! (Ya know, I'm done helping you linears out, figure out the order for yourself!)
by, 26-May-2015 at 00:11 (134 Views)
This is the last in the series, I swear. There are a few others I want to port over, but I need to do growdup stuffs and I JUST can't waste any more time piddling about.
Ok, breakfast and coffee are done and done. And the chores? Well, I'll get to them. It's just that I'm in a sharing mood! It has nothing to do with the low battery on my iPad that has me wall bound, or the laziness that has me bed bound. I swear it, it's just sheer artistic integrity, a love for you, the audience, that moves me forward on the biography train. Aren't you all lucky? (Yes, I'm talking to all three of you.)
So, you know what came before, what that's lead to and what I'm doing about it. Great. That's enough, right? Because if I have to explain what I like, what I seek, and the whys and wherefores of both, it'll be something like an organization of thought that could lead to a necessary action! And I'm too (insert cowardly excuse here) for that! What? Do it anyway? Even knowing the consequences? SIGH. Gods it's hard being a growdup...
(NOTE: THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ARE MADE OF STRAW, NOT BRICKS. MY KINK CAREER HAS BEEN 99.8% A SOLO ACT, AND THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO GO ON. IF I DECIDE TO CHANGE MY MIND LATER, I'LL JUST HUFF, AND I'LL PUFF...)
As you may or may not know, (Hell, I don't know what you people have read.) I am, in general, an ageplayer. There's not much about this particular kink that I don't like. On one side of the coin, I feel very safe in my little space. At the same time, I like to fantasize about having a little lady of my own to care for someday. In essence, that makes me a switch, right? Sure. Or just indecisive. Take your pick. But I know you folks aren't satisfied with that. So here come the bare bones, the upturned belly. Don't say you weren't warned.
I'll start with my big side. Why? Because it's an easier side to understand, is why. Because I'm not the only man in the world to find youth and innocence attractive, is why. Because it's the part that has the most to do with sex, and sex sells, is why. Because fuck you, who's writing this, anyway, is why. (Holy cats, I really do have an attitude today!)
When I imagine being with a ageplaying little girl, which, with the exception of a long ago schoolgirl/teacher roleplay with a much missed FWB, is all I have ever done, many things come to mind. I can see myself being loving, caring and attentive to her needs. For example, if she's a wetter, I keep her dry. When she's naughty, discipline. When she's good, (or just because) treats! I can see her now curled up on the couch with daddy, skirt innocently flipped up to expose, probably on purpose, her more tender virtues. I don't mean to seem crude, but the fact is that, as things stand now, I imagine our relationship to be at least partially sexual in this state. I am a growdup for reals, and I do get urges. Girls' naughty bits do arouse me and when they do, those girls can easily become targets for my desires. So, look out any little ladies out there. I may be just as prone to teaching you how to enjoy the physical pleasures of the body as I am to giving you a bath. S,S & C, of course. And yes, I added that last line because it was starting to sound a little predatory and rapey. I know how to edit on the fly!
On, then, to the other side of me, the vulnerable, needy, shy, complicated part of which I rarely speak at length. It's a bit more difficult to relate to for me. While it's (let's not kid ourselves, and I wish it were like this for all genders) socially acceptable for a man to like girls who are or act young (in relation, of course, to their adult age, don't fucking make me say it again), it's another thing entirely for the roles to be reversed, for the male to act the part of the child and relinquish control. And when that facade of youth dips down to infant/toddler areas? Well, let's just say that society abhors deviance and shapes minds, even the most brilliant and accepting, to recoil at it's horrors. I'm sure we're all familiar with the concept of self-loathing. 'Nuff said?
But I'm struggling through that at the moment, fighting the part of my brain that whispers "They're all gonna laugh at you!" in a sinister voice that giggles at any attempt to silence it. I like what I like, you stupid voice! So eat a plateful, fucker, I'm gonna say it! I LIKE BEING BABIED! I WANT TO BE HELPLESS, SIMPLY ENTERTAINED, FREE OF RESPONSIBILITY AND DOTED OVER! COME AT ME, WORLD!
There. Hard part's over, now I can just get on with...what? That's not enough? Jeezum Crow, Marky's brain...will you never be satisfied? Ok, but seriously, after this? Shut up for a few hours, heh?
Call me Little Mark, Lil Marky, or just plain Marky. Anything but my real, unqualified, secret adult name. (You'll never guess what it is. And there's no prize if you do.) I run, age-wise, between infant and toddler, or an infoddler, as nobody ever calls it. When I'm little, I'm still cognizant of the world around me. I fiddle and play, I wiggle and cuddle, I want and I want and I want. I talk as little as possible, but when I do, I don't think I'd baby talk it too much. It makes me feel silly and that pulls me right out of it. By the by, so do other things, about which I'll post another day.
A very important part in my ageplay, regardless of which side I'm on, is the costumery. This may go doubly so for my little bitty bit. (not that bit, perv, I'm being poetic!) At the core, literally and figuratively, is the diapering. This is a deal maker, folks. Can't accept that a grown man likes to wear, wet and change (well, have changed, ideally) adult sized diapers? Well, too bad for one of us, and I promise you it ain't me. I won't shove it down anyone's throat, cross my heart. But I won't harbor any bullshitittude or mockery about it either. (Not so bold a statement to make on a site like this, I know. Toothless lions and unarmed kings, as they say.)
And the other stuff helps lot too! The clothes, the toys, being played with and taught new games. I love the idea of being bathed and fed and cuddled and read to and tucked in at night. Mostly? Love me, take care of me. I'm delicate and curious and vulnerable and you're all I've got! I'm not asking this of the world. I'm only asking it of any who would love me in that manner. And I'm sorry, but after so long in hiding? I couldn't be less apologetic about saying that nothing less is acceptable.
But all that applies mostly to the future. I'm not actively seeking a romantic relationship. It's all too messy in my head and heart to think about that at the moment. I'm not putting up any walls, but neither am I investing in arrow signs. Friends? A thousand times fuck yes! Want 'em! Need 'em! Playmates? Something to think about, but not without the realm of possibility. To quote a famous ball, "reply hazy." And all the rest in time, I am sure. Or not. Life is like a box of stink bugs, as they say.
And that's it, I think. That's my journey so far. From wet-faced, shirt-ripping despair to...well, whatever this is, right now, at this moment. And so it goes...(that one's real, belongs to Vonnegut.) And it will continue to go. And if you like, I'll continue to report. I'm not always this long-winded. Like I said, I can edit on the fly. Just, er, not necessarily for length.
Now go learn something new.