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cozycandyfly

Had a mental breakdown again.....

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I just had a mental breakdown a hour ago, after shouting on top of my lungs, I feel tons better, way better then I did before I had the mental break down, I'm still a bit over the place though.

I feel like I'm losing mind, I feel like I'm losing control over my life, I'm surrounded by idiots who get cared about more then I do, they lack any form of IQ act like idiots, get praised like gods, while people like me, people disregard and don't care about (like seriously, I could fall over, no one would bat an eye, yet when someone pretends to get hurt just for attention, they get worshiped like some kind of god), its like I don't even exist, I'm sick of this constant sadness and realization that I'm limited and have no control over anything, things that happen happen, I haven't got much say over anything.

I'm sick of idiots getting treated like there some kind of genius, while people like me, can talk to you about multiple subjects, learn things faster then most people, have really good memory, and can learn and understand things almost instantly, while normal people would take a few minutes to process this information, I get disregarded as some kind of lair or some kind of stupid person, tell someone that the sky is blue, just because its me, they won't believe it, other people are always better then me, in the eyes of the social idiots.

I can't even get good grades because I'm so miserable about everything and hate my life, ahaha.

Stupid people see me as stupid, yet there the stupid ones, I just want to suck my paci, all this stress is going to kill me, I can't handle this crap.

I just want to break down and cry, but I can't cry, no tears will come out, bottling my emotions will just make things worse, though I have to, otherwise it causes more issues.

I guess intelligence is frowned apon, when I was younger, I always thought that being intelligence was the best thing in the world, yet in reality, no one cares about intelligence, no one cares about you unless your popular and social, if you're not in there social circle, its hard to get in, and you don't exist until you do.

I'm really sick of feeling suicidal and sad all the time, its either live in misery or kill myself, however I just can't do it, because i'm scared to, and its painful, can't even tell anyone because society is that stuffed, you can't even tell a close friend without someone assuming you're a attention seeker, yet people who fake depression, get treated nicely and get all the attention in the world, while those who suffer, no one cares about, it even makes me more depressed when people are faking it, and getting treated really nicely, while no one gives a crap about me.

I can't even think straight, the world is a horrible place, i see it as it truly is, nothing good ever happens to good people, terrible people get all the good things in the world, my intelligence is just going to waste, just because no one understands me.

:'(
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Comments

  1. KryanAshford's Avatar
    I know the feeling well. Make you want to knock somebody senseless. I'm in the same boat myself. I'm looking for a new job. Can't find anything. I'm thinking of going back to school, but I've not confident in myself that much anymore. I can't stand people myself. I see most of them as unworthy to be next to me. Know you can talk to me. Hopefully we can help each other out of our stressed out state.
  2. cozycandyfly's Avatar
    [QUOTE=DarkBabyMagicain;bt36916]I know the feeling well. Make you want to knock somebody senseless. I'm in the same boat myself. I'm looking for a new job. Can't find anything. I'm thinking of going back to school, but I've not confident in myself that much anymore. I can't stand people myself. I see most of them as unworthy to be next to me. Know you can talk to me. Hopefully we can help each other out of our stressed out state.[/QUOTE]

    :)
  3. Starrunner's Avatar
    I'm really glad that shouting out at the top of your lungs helped you feel better. When you're stressed or depressed, it's important to find ways to cope with it.

    I'm really concerned about the latter part of your post. If you're just keeping that much negative emotion bottled up inside you, it's bound to get worse and it will explode. What you are describing are severe signs of depression and potential suicide.

    My advice would be to go to the link below and contact one of the helplines or websites listed in your community. There are people here at Adisc who care for you, but you need to talk to someone who ill take your concerns seriously n the real world. I would encourage you to do this immediately.

    http://www.adisc.org/forum/showthrea...ion-Help-Lines
  4. bean's Avatar
    Hey Cozycandyfly,
    I'm sorry things are so rough right now! You definitely have a lot to deal with. I will echo Starrunner, in encouraging you to find some help IRL. I also just wanted to say this. I strongly agree, that the world is a pretty messed up place and that things are usually not fair. However, spending your energy worrying about what other people are doing isn't very helpful. Nobody is perfect, but the best we can do is focus our energy on being the best person we can be. Keep talking.
    -Bean
  5. fifigal's Avatar
    Hi Cozycandyfly,
    I can honestly tell you, I have had the exact same feelings you are experiencing right now. The best thing I can say to you ( and I know this will not bring you very much, immediate comfort right now ) is to hang in there. Things will get better in time. You will find peace, and happiness, and even love as you move through life.
    I wish that all I had to do is to wave my magic wand, and you would have all of these things in an instant, but my magic wand does not work very well ( stupid wand ! ).
    I do wish for you, all of the best.
    If I think of anything more constructive to say to you, I will post here again.
    Take care, little angel.
  6. caitianx's Avatar
    Seems like you are in crisis friend.
    I am here to talk to since I am an older far more mature adult with Asperger's Syndrome.
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