I am worried about my brother
by, 12-May-2015 at 01:12 (1117 Views)
*Caution beware :My brother I am really worried about him,he has Overdosed 4 times already (trying to keep it PG-13). I know him himself, has to change and no one can do that but him. But it feels helpless to keep seeing him like this. He has been addicted to heroin for 3 years now, you can see his face sinking in a little he just turned 29 on May 2. His voice has changed a little but then again he smokes cigarettes. He has a high tolerance to his drug of choice which is bad. He has a lot of track marks and his veins in his arms have collapsed. My uncle died of an overdose and so did my kindergarten friend. Every time they have to resitate him, with narcan or chest compressions the police, fire fighters, or ambulance. Each time they say he barely managed to wake up he almost died. I have already accepted the fact that eventually he will die from the devil drug, which is hard to do. I am always looking at unionleader.com, whenever there's talk of the drug, overdose, arrest making sure it's not my brother. Well just on his birthday he overdosed again and is on probation and violated his parole and now he faces prison and I'm just so scared for him, like state prison.
My dad the way he is and all is not making it better. My brother's brain has changed and is permantely damaged. Heroin changes your brain stem. He can't stop, he has begged so many times, my brother is a tough cookie, but he cries wanting to stop and he just can't. The withdrawls are sooo powerful. It's just so heartbreaking seeing him like this. The way he nodes off, almost falling out of the chair. My brother before this would never hav done all this. But he needed an escape from my dad. MY dad is one of the most hurtful, lying, secretive, manipulative, controlling, and crazy person, the way he brainwashes you and fills your mind with chaos. And my brother and I had a horrible upbringing, even I turned to drugs, but is sober. My brother would shove soo much down.
First he got addicted to oxycotton, and now this. It's so sad how this drug sucks your soul. Even his drug counselors, have said you could be the strongest person out there and still never be able to get way from it. It takes a lot of strength and it's almost impossible to stay off of it. You just want more, and more, and nothing stands in your way of not getting it.
I know some will judge, not to accuse but you don't understand, what it's like to love someone who can't stop even if they wanted too. There's only some people out there that have, and if they did, great but not everyone can do that even if they wanted too. No excuse, but when your brain changes like that, there's no logoical thinking, it's you and the drug. You have my brother and then you have the drug, like a split personality. And he doesn't have personality disorders. Ever since my uncle, friend, have died from this drug, and my brother became addicted. I was researching every website, video, book, etc. I could get my hands on, learn the facts, go to Alnon for families addicted and even AAA (I know its for alcoholics). It's a true epidemic, all over the country. He attempted suicide once, I think he was high, and shattered his ankle, broke his foot, etc. doctors stupidly gave him narcotics even when told he was an addict.
When I look what's left of our baby photo's/ kids pictures, I cry because the way he looks now, I know he is older, but the way the drug has taken over. Most people think I can try it once and control it and only do it once in a while. And what they don't know that your already hooked.
He shakes uncontrollably, and has seizures now from it. He injects him, which it takes a few seconds to reach the brain. You never know what they cut it with, etc. the purity, or who had it before him, what's also in it.
I saw the news a week ago, and it said it can be cut with, crushed up glass, blood, fentanyl (which can be deadly, a lot of people have died from that).
When I go to hug him, his body twitches and shakes.
He is also ashamed of his use, and depressed. My dad has a raging screaming angry problem, so when my dad does that also he also overdoses from my dad screaming. It's sad.
I know this may make some people upset, and I am sorry. But I'm just worried about him. He is my only brother. Thanks for listening.