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The Beginning

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I have ultimately never wanted to leave diapers I think. I have seemingly always had the urge to try them again as early on as age 8 if I remember correctly. As I grew older the urges to try diapers again became more frequent. If an opportunity presented itself to try a baby diaper at someone's house in the privacy of their bathroom I'd jump on it if only for a second. I was a rush, exciting, strange, taboo, but so very interesting. A little older and I began to fantasize about being babyish with a bottle or pacifier. Baby clothing and age regression didn't really appeal to me. In fact it still doesn't. The older I grew I got more adventurous and exploratory I got with myself. Voiding into my underwear began to intrigue me more and more while girls clothes, underwear, colors, patterns, scents, all became a secret pleasure. By high school panties were a major focus with little to do about diapers but diapers didn't take long to come back. It wasn't until I was 18 and started college that I had the freedom of a license and a car, but I still did not have the privacy required for allowing my secret interests to manifest into physically trying adult diapers. I would have had no where to stash them, nowhere to safely try them in solitude. but after my 2 year degree was completed I went back home and began the search in a miserable job market for a job and spent many days alone at the house. I had time. I had some money. I had a place to experiment. I started with Depend Maximum Absorbency Protection With Tabs. It was exciting! The feel of the padding, the sound of the plastic backing, the little bit of waddle was all as I had hoped! I wore when no one was home. I tested the idea of releasing myself in them. It was awesome! The warmth and the squish! Unbelievable! Knowing that that was not always a convenient choice of action I began to seek out substitutes but urinating was always an option. I would try to urinate as many times as possible to push the diapers to their limits and leaking. Then panties and girls clothes began to come back and I began to embrace it. I began a collection of my own panties, whatever made me feel feminine and sexy. The collection grew and grew until I had to begin hiding everything in my car trunk. Eventually I moved in with my girlfriend who is to this day unaware of the diapers. But she, through tact mind you, embraced the idea of my wearing panties and having never told her about the stash I already had I began a new one that she was well aware of. Now I sit here writing this as I suck on my pacifier, drinking from an adorable girls bottle, in a pink with white polka dot dress, wearing a stake of 8 Depends and it is wonderful!

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