Today Is my birthday so here's a post I made on Tumblr
by, 06-May-2015 at 09:24 (1299 Views)
Today Iím 19 years old. What does that mean to me? To me it means that Itís my last year as a teenager. It means Iím getting inevitably older and thereís nothing I can do about it. This doesnít mean Iím unhappy by any means, it just means, I feel old. Yes I know 19 isnít that old, but the feeling remains.
I havenít really had access to internet at home due to, shall we say, issues with data consumption. Iím not going to name names, because it will really just be beating a dead horse. All you need to know is the bill, was incredibly high. I decided, ďHey why not make a tumblr post about it?Ē and so, here it is. GASP Iím actually using a blogging site forÖ blogging O.O strange I know. Next people will be nice to each other and we will attain world peace.
I have been doing the homeschool thing for awhile now and I really have lost all motivation within it. I will be graduating this year, but not as soon as I would have liked to, seeing as it wonít be with my original peers. I want to find what will ignite the fire of passion for a career, but time will tell what I figure out. What happened to me you may or may not ask? If youíre new, forgot, or are just curious, hereís my story in short.
I have always been bullied by others for many reasons. This includes but is not limited to: my appearance, what I do, my interests, what I believe, and even so far as to what I happen to be wearing. This carried out throughout the very beginning up to 10th grade when I quite literally could not handle it anymore. It had made me physically sick to even think of going to school again. I am not a worst case scenerio by any means, but Iím no where near best case. I have never self harmed because I always logicíd myself out of it. ďPeople will see, itíll hurt, I donít want to get an infection, and my brother would be so dissapointed in me.Ē these kinds of thoughts kept me from ever going through with it. To my recollection I have experienced an enirety of 8 years of severe depression. begining by an unknown trigger at the age of 10 until I turned 18 and decided to fight it and attempt to recover. I just didnít want to live my life hating existance. I tried many different schools of different kinds, none of which, I was able to stay apart of for various reasons. I have attempted suicide once in 2013 or soÖ the exact year is fuzzy and rightly so as It was a medicine overdose attempt. But I carry on, as Iíve recovered from most of my experiences, they have shaped me, but I am not the same person I was even a year ago.
There are many more details I could add, but I feel like there are other things I need to say, not much more, but more than I have already. I am so grateful to the people who have helped me through the pain and times I just didnít want to live. Musicians and their various bands have also helped, such as Gerard Way (My Chemical Romance), Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun (Twenty One Pilots), Mike Rosenberg (Passenger), Brenden Urie (Panic! At the Disco), Adriana Figueroa (Adrisaurus Youtuber), Chris Martin (Coldplay), Adam Young (Owl City), etc.
Hereís to a bright future for us all. I'm currently house sitting for my aunt, so that is why I have internet at the moment.