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The Reason.

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So as many are aware I've been anti-social the last week.

I will... Explain a secret I've been keeping.

You see... in November my 80 year old Grandmother was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer. And while the prognosis is seemingly good at the moment, I am... Scared. No, scared isn't the right word. More like Terrified. I'm terrified of losing my Grandmother.

I lost a set of Grandparents to cancer once already. I just... I just don't know. I've been bottling this up, and keeping it a secret. I told a few people back in January about it. (I will not name these people but they know who they are.) It's been really affecting me. My anxiety is immense, I struggle already with Depression.

This is not a cry for help, so please don't take it that way. I'm just venting. Venting what needs to be let out.

I'm still in Anti-Social mode so, don't PM me, or write on my profile.


  1. FauxPas's Avatar
    Sorry to hear that. I lost my grandfather a couple years back to pancreatic cancer, which runs in my family on my Dad's side. So i know exactly what you are going through. If when you decide to talk, we will be here.
  2. boobybird89's Avatar
    You must be very close to your grandmother, Snow.. easier said than done but keep focused on the good. If they say things are looking good for her, don't think about the bad.. think about the good and the time that you have to spend time with her. I lost my grandmother to cancer 5 years ago and I got to watch her waste away to skin and bones.. it was the worst feeling in the world..

    It isn't healthy bottling things up, Snow.. but I understand that you need your space to sort out these feelings and thoughts that are probably eating you alive. I know how your feeling, Snow.. a lot of people know how it feels. If you ever need someone to talk to when you decide to do such, we are here for ya.
  3. BlackWing's Avatar
    I feel ya there, losing a grandparent that you're so close to can really be painful. Look at it this way, she's 80, she's probably lived a great life thus far. If anything, I hope that she can pass away peacefully rather than die from the cancer. But even if she does die from the cancer, at least she won't be suffering anymore. It can be really tough sometimes, don't be afraid to show how you really feel, it's perfectly normal.
  4. selv14's Avatar
    Cancer can prolong suffering. That is why you are scared. I lost my grandfather to colon cancer, and it was a very trying period for my family.

    As mentioned, you have to speak, to let things off your chest. My suggestion is that you should pick 1 (or 2) people whom you are very close to, and talk your heart out to them. Telling the wider community can get be stressful to you, as they constantly enquire on your grandma's health. They are doing so out of concern, but as you are in anti-social mode it will make your existence more miserable.

    And before I forget, now is the time to spend more time with her. Even if you can't be with her, a simple gesture such as a daily phone call would help.

    Our thoughts are with you and your family. - the Adult Baby / Diaper Lover / Incontinence Support Community. is designed to be viewed in Firefox, with a resolution of at least 1280 x 1024.