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tai

Now I know why my brother hates me.

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So I've been going to therapy for about 3-4 weeks now with my little brother over an incident when I told him that I wanted my space.So one car payment later (600$) I found out the reason He hates me is because he feels abandoned. And now I feel even more guilt ridden.
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  1. Trevor's Avatar
    I went and reviewed both your threads before saying anything. I don't think this is really guilt worthy (easy for me to say). You do need some space, as does he. The hard part now is getting him to understand that this is a healthier thing for you both and it's not from lack of love. You both have your own lives to live and he can't grow if you're always doing for him. It's a tricky balance because it doesn't mean that you don't ever hang out or help him it just means that he should start developing some self-reliance and you get some time to yourself as well. I would hope your therapist can help address these things for you guys.
  2. tai's Avatar
    At this point I really wish it was that simple. I'm more or less the reason he's like thatas well as me. the doc say I also have seperation anxiety literally from the first day they brought him home I was the one to take care of him,if I wasn't at school I was Babysitting him and my little sisters his mom rarely saw us so I was always big brother to him and everyone around me. I had the habit of getting things done the way I wanted by any means necessary.turning his bullies into friends by submission(school fights, talking etc.)or even teaching them how to do things they wanted to learn eventually I usually had a bunch of kids following me young and some older then us. Big brother even became my nickname through highschool and to this day. they tell me I should try writing things down in my journal, but every time I do that I learn a little bit more about myself and just how much I've affected those around me.Although nothing intentionally bad happened as far as I can tell But I more then determined to figure some thing out so I'll keep my head up high for now
  3. Trevor's Avatar
    It can be that simple but that doesn't mean it's easy. You can't change what you've done in the past, you can only work on what's in front of you. You know you want your life to be different, so you have to do things differently, even if it is hard. If you stick to it, I think your brother will come to understand in time and you'll both be better for it.
  4. ajsco's Avatar
    How old is he for a start? I'm guessing stroppy teenage years! When you say you know why he hates you is that what you feel why he hates you or what he's said to you? That's the crucial point, from reading your other posts I'd say it more separation anxiety on from him. I mean it's entirely normal for a big bro to stand up for his little bro when he's being picked on, you're not at school anymore and I hate to be blunt but he needs to learn how to pick himself up now you're not there.
  5. tai's Avatar
    He just turned 16 and is a sophomore(though small for his age). He has no known disability but he's emotionally undeveloped( test and several psychiatrist has confirmed this), socially he's fine, able to to do just about anything you would expect of someone his age but because of a few traumas in both of our lives at times he can become stagnant often reverting in mind.as for the reason why I said he hates me is because he told me that he's says I'll get rid of him.
    also read this:http://www.adisc.org/forum/showthrea...-to-much/page2
  6. whisko's Avatar
    i (who am not a therapist) sound like you are on your way to a codependent relationship. he hates you? he's welcome to his opinion. you are a separate human being and you deserve your space if that's what you want! he sounds needy. being "emotionally underdeveloped" he might not have picked up on your intentional and subconscious hints that he wasn't giving you your space until you outright told him.

    and then you have to go to therapy over the resulting "incident"?! oh please. he's bored, and you're humoring him.
  7. tai's Avatar


    Quote Originally Posted by whisko
    i (who am not a therapist) sound like you are on your way to a codependent relationship. he hates you? he's welcome to his opinion. you are a separate human being and you deserve your space if that's what you want! he sounds needy. being "emotionally underdeveloped" he might not have picked up on your intentional and subconscious hints that he wasn't giving you your space until you outright told him.

    and then you have to go to therapy over the resulting "incident"?! oh please. he's bored, and you're humoring him.
    Trust me I didn't go because I wanted too. Moms can be scary when they want to. but I realize we were way to close. and honestly Im a bit gad I told him, It's just I miss the feeling
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