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Gynecologist Visit. Ugh.

KimbaStarshine — Sat, 18 May 2013 16:19:06 GMT

Monday I have my yearly gynecological appointment, which is my absolute least favorite day of the year.:sad: As other females can testify, pelvic exams are NOT fun. If I didn't need a prescription for my medication I wouldn't go at all. Last year I brought my stuffed horse along for comfort, but I don't want my mom to make any disapproving comments about it this year... I hate being scolded...

New Post!

babyjasmine — Fri, 17 May 2013 02:13:36 GMT

I have a new post on my blog! I know it has been a while since I last posted, but I have a new post up! YAY!

Here's the link:

www.babyjasmine844.blogspot.com

Hugs and Kisses!

babyjasmine

Tired of These Dreams

KimbaStarshine — Thu, 16 May 2013 17:55:38 GMT

For the past couple months I have had rather frequent dreams in which I tell my mother I want diapers. I wish they would stop, because I have no intention at this time of telling her. Usually in the dream she seems pretty unfazed, but in last night's she cried and I took off running. Soon afterwards I woke up dying of heat exhaustion. It's going to be very hot wearing a towel for a diaper during the summer months.

New life in Texas

Frogsy — Thu, 16 May 2013 02:58:44 GMT

Right now a tornado warning is on the TV. My mother wanted to watch Grey's Anatomy, but instead it's nonstop weather coverage. She's not happy. "God's going to do what He's going to do," she said. "So why can't I just watch my Grey's Anatomy?" I hear thunder but my mother said that when you hear the sirens, then that's when you should probably hide, if you want to. She doesn't hide. Ever since AA she sort of puts everything in God's hands a lot. Anyway, welcome to Texas, me, here's a few tornados!

It's my second night here. Last night I was exhausted from two days of driving and I couldn't write. Things have been pretty good, but a little strange. There are little odd rules here and there. Like, for example, at dinner time I must sit down at the dinner table with her and we eat together. So far I have not gotten a real choice about food, but luckily she makes good things. Really good things. We had some kind of pork tonight, not a chop, but some kind of tender pork. Fresh vegetables, not from cans. A baked potato that was actually baked in the oven and not prepackaged and put in the microwave. Dinner time has been at exactly 7:00pm both yesterday and today and I do not think it's a coincidence. Because after 45 minutes of eating, I clear the table and put stuff away while she changes into night clothes and then she's ready to watch her shows at exactly 8:00pm.

Then I must watch whatever she wants to watch. For some reason she prefers not to watch TV alone. Often she kind of talks on the phone while the TV is on. I don't know how she actually follows a single plot. I asked her if she had a DVR. She said she does not 'believe in' DVR's. So since I can't watch my own favorite shows that way, I instead got her verizon password so I can watch every show I miss on my iPad when I have free time. So far I only had time to watch half of one show but I've been really busy since I got here. I finished putting everything away between yesterday and today (I do not have much - all my things fit in the car.) I helped her go shopping today. She made friends with the cashier at Lowe's and learned all about her family life in less than three minutes. She does that everywhere she goes. Watching her, as I myself am an introvert, it is nothing less than magic. Next time she does this, I'm going to take notes and share with other introverts. I bet there is a formula, that when followed, will work within a given range of accuracy.

I stole something today by accident. Someone made me a housekey at Lowe's and I put it on my keychain without paying. I thought it was like a free service, for being a customer, or something. I also have not been inside a place like that in a long long time, so I get confused. Anyway, my mother wasn't angry because it was an accident.

Strange things occur with her. Like tonight, I was looking at the tornado warning with her, and she's eating frozen yogurt. Then I hear "taste this" and I get a mouthful of frozen yogurt all of a sudden. It was really good, though. So far all her food is superior to anything I've ever eaten. Her lettuce in her salad had its own taste, not just like green crunchy water like usual.

So far I do seem to be helping her, at least. I get up early and I'm sort of always on her beck and call. I do things like take care of her two dogs, or put things away, carry things, fix electronic things. By the time she's heading to bed, I'm pretty worn out, too.

She can not help but to treat me like a child almost all of the time. Is this where my AB tendencies all started? She never let me grow up in the first place? It's an interesting dynamic, though, watching it now that she's sober and doesn't frighten me. Since I've been here I've felt about ten years old the entire time. It's not necessary terrible, but then again, of course an AB would say that.

Ermahgerd ster trek!!!

FauxPas — Wed, 15 May 2013 08:14:02 GMT

I just got done watching Into Darkness, and holy mother of all that is amazing, this was by far the best Sci-Fy movie I have seen in ages! It is a must see for anyone that is a trekkie or just a fan of that genre. I get to see it again in IMAX tomorrow night!

What are you doing still reading this! GO GET TICKETS NOW! Be sure to go padded as to not miss anything, it is 2 1/2 hours long after all.

Advantages

Oateson — Mon, 13 May 2013 15:11:25 GMT

It's not always arrogant if you think you're smarter or more capable than someone in a certain situation or subject - sometimes you are. And recognizing that strength allows you to help people and educate people when you do find yourself at a distinct advantage.

Putting my neck out here, but I don't care! [WARNING: VERY MUSHY MATERIAL AHEAD!]

Braddeh — Mon, 13 May 2013 12:27:25 GMT

This blog post is dedicated to somebody whom has made the past few months here on ADISC a great experience so far, a lovely lady who I consider not only one of my top best friends, but also my AB/DL sister, Angel. Or as she's more commonly known on here as, GiggleMuffinz.

When I joined about nearly two months ago, I wasn't really planning on using this account much, if at all. I was more or less just going to make an account, make an intro, post a few times and then just leave for a few years while I sort myself out and get to living solo.

But that really did change when, after two days of no responses mind you, my intro thread got a post. And it was her.

And the way she posted and made everything so awesome and positive in responding was so great, it made me feel like I was really wanted here on ADISC at the time, by at least one person. I then proceeded to respond to her post and suddenly more people came into the thread to introduce me to ADISC and everybody else in it.

One week passed and I got my "EC" ranking, making myself able to chat to people by PM's, I then engaged in long, lengthy PM's with her for days on end before we finally got our Skype names and began chatting on there, from that point I was talking to her every night and even changed my sleep schedule on certain occasions in order to talk to her more.

As time went on, I began to learn more about her, about her past, about how she is now, about what she wants out of life, everything. I helped her through times when she was in the dumps, I gave her advice when she needed it and even on occasion roleplay a bit with her via text.

Over time, she began to call me her best friend, I felt flattered and at the same time very thankful for this. Because she was the first friend I had ever met whom I had learnt so much about in so little time, so really I was suprised when she said that to me since I wasn't really expecting it.

And more over time, I began to grow closer to her, to the point where we finally agreed that we both considered our relationship with each other to be kind of like a brother and sister relationship (hence why I have that in my signature right now), again, I felt honored by this since I had never been in that kind of relationship properly with somebody and the other actually felt the same way.

The thing is though, even if we have our little disputes from time to time, whether it be from something minor, even if something causes some stresses, it doesn't affect anything and is almost swiftly forgotten. I've never in my entire life been in a kind of relationship with somebody who acts that way, so it makes me feel kinda special to her and her special to me.

Angel, if you get to read this, which you undoubtedly will, I would just like to let you know that I love you, you've made me feel so happier whenever I get all down, you've cured every bit of boredom I've ever experienced just by being able to talk to you, you're a constant source of happiness even when negative stuff is going on in real life that I just wanna ignore.

You are the best friend I've ever had in my life, a precious AB/DL sister and an overall great person. And I never want that to change.

Thank you Angel, thank you so much...

How do I make friends with other ABs?

cherieberry — Sun, 12 May 2013 07:43:09 GMT

The forums are okay but I would really like a friend who's also a LG that I can talk with about babby things. I've tried PMing people on the forums who seem cool but I can't think of much to talk about after saying "hi!" ... ;~;

I'm back!

gigglemuffinz — Sun, 12 May 2013 01:34:37 GMT

I was on hiatus for a few days! Happy to be back! I'm going to be doing so much posting soon. :3

On my upcoming culture shock.

Frogsy — Sat, 11 May 2013 20:21:45 GMT

So there's something you guys ought to know. I have never been in my mother's house since she moved to Texas. I have not even seen her face to face in perhaps nine years. In fact, when she moved, she was deep in alcoholism and was currently going through an abandonment phase. She moved to Texas without leaving me a phone number or an address. About a year later, she called me on my birthday from rehab. Happy happy birthday to me...

Seriously, every birthday I've had involving my family has been plain awful. Every year I get punished for being alive. That's the way it's seemed, anyway.

Anyway, why's that important? We've talked often on the phone since she got sober (for real). She's a lot nicer and less likely to abandon me sober. So we've talked yes, but not really talked or gotten to know each other. We've not seen each other. Normally I never brought up negative things in conversation because I was afraid I'd cause her to drink again. So I'm sort of moving in with someone I don't really know very well.

On top of this peculiar social living situation, when I spoke to her yesterday on the phone, she said this: "The bedroom I'm giving you is going to be next to the game room and above the spa."

What the actual fuck? Where does she live? A hotel? Well I know she doesn't live in a hotel because I do have an address. It even sounds fancy. I can't even read her address without giving myself an aristocratic accent.

I asked her what a spa is. Were there like, people massaging other people inside my mom's house? What Roman-esque debauchery was this? She said it was just like a hot tub. Ah, okay then. I played the Sims. I know what a hot tub is. I didn't ask what a game room is, but I'm not holding out hope that it's going to involve electronics or consoles. Maybe it's card tables or something to play bridge with her senior friends.

She seems to have a slew of people that run things in her life. Like, you know the stuff we all do ourselves? She has people for that. After listing every possible service I could offer in return for letting me stay there, she responded with names of people who already did that. Lots of names. Almost all male names, too. I think my mother is hiring hot young men to work for her for eye candy purposes alone. It's complete craziness! Anyway, the only way I sparked her interest was when she offhandedly mentioned she wanted a new ebook. I told her I could get her nearly any ebook, or any other form of media she wanted, for free. She wanted to know more. Could I get her the newest James Patterson book? Absolutely, yeah, I could. I think out of the crew she has working her life, I'm going to be her official Pirate. Badass.

At the moment, I'm preparing to be culture shocked. I've been spending the last seven years of my life living in a 800 square foot cabin in the woods, on top of a mountain. If I look out my window I can see uncut grass (there's no lawns where we come from!), trees, a four-wheeler someone's playing with, oh, and, my neighbors llamas. They've escaped their pen again.

There's weird details I wonder about. Like, I haven't had a pizza delivered in all these years. The closest delivery place is an hour and a half away. I *think* I remember how to order a pizza. But do I really? What if everything's changed? What if I forget what to say on the phone? Is two dollars still a fair tip for a pizza, or not? We still tip, right?

Do I even know how to live in a city so big? I'm not even moving to a city, anyway. It's not Dallas. It's outside of Dallas! Still, its population is a full 60 times larger than the city I live outside of now. How can I remember all these people? The last time I lived in a place that big, everyone around me were strangers. Just strangers, as far as the eye could see. Will it be like that again? Maybe that'll be okay. I'll have less of a reputation to constantly uphold. I'll have to pretend I worship Christ significantly less often than in small town Colorado. I don't have anything against Christians at all. Some people just have something against agnostics, I think.

My mom is devoutly Catholic. Maybe I'll still have to pretend after all. Once, she mailed me a Saint Jude necklace for my birthday. She said. "I thought you could use this. Saint Jude is the official saint of all lost causes. Reminded me of you. Happy Birthday." Because I was raised Catholic, too, I fully wore it around for a few years, carrying my mother's unhappiness with me around like my own personal cross. If anyone asked me about my saint necklace, I'd frown and say, "I'm a lost cause."

I got to remember to lock my car. I've been trying to train myself. So far, five out of five times I have failed to lock my car when I was out doing errands yesterday. Here, if someone stole your car, you'd recognize them. You could go to the cops, and you could say, "John Smith just stole my car." And they'd call John's parents, usually without even having to look up the number. You'd have your car back in a few hours. John would be given a sigh and an eye roll and asked to stop doing that. You'd all laugh and go home. If you think I'm joking, this is exactly what happened when on two separate occasions teenagers tried to get away with borrowing someone's car in town. Maybe I'll use a sticky note on the car door. Lock me!

So I'm moving on Monday night. Staying overnight in a hotel in a strange city in Kansas I've never seen. Then I'm going to another town I have never seen, to like, live there. From what I can gather, I will totally be reenacting the Beverly Hillbillies. People are most definitely going to laugh at me, especially in these circles. But that's okay. At least no one died.

Pokemon Emerald Nuzlocke Challenge Part 1

SweetieBelleCMC — Sat, 11 May 2013 04:26:32 GMT

So I already started this, sorry :(, but I thought it would be fun to do and post here (as well as attempt to write a little story blurb to go with it).

Any who this is the team I have so far, not the best but hey I make do with what I'm allowed to catch.

For those of you that don't know about the Nuzlocke Challenge you can read up on it here.
Nuzlocke Challenge - Bulbapedia, the community-driven Pok�mon encyclopedia

I chickened out

KimbaStarshine — Thu, 09 May 2013 23:13:03 GMT

So today I passed up on my opportunity to buy diapers, mostly out of fear of being caught. I kind of regret it. I won't have another chance until September, and I know I won't have the nerve to get them then either.

Prophetic Words

Oateson — Thu, 09 May 2013 15:58:36 GMT

"...And then, the Earth being small, mankind will migrate into space, and will cross the airless Saharas which separate planet from planet and sun from sun. The Earth will become a Holy Land which will be visited by pilgrims from all the quarters of the Universe. Finally, men will master the forces of Nature; they will become themselves architects of systems, manufacturers of worlds."

Winwood Reade, circa 1872

Update

Frogsy — Wed, 08 May 2013 08:10:38 GMT

So today I called my mother who's been sober for three years. Her memory isn't great and everything but she *is* living alone. She really surprised me by right away offering to let me stay with her in Texas. It took my breath away. It made me cry. I even had this whole speech planned on why she should let me stay with her and all the things I could do to help her around the house. She apparently has 'people' for that, but wanted me to come stay with her, anyway.

I hate the idea of living in Texas. I am not going to fit in there. First of all there's totally no legal marijuana like in CO. I'm completely liberal and kind of gentle, the last time I went to Texas I burned to lobster red after *five minutes* outside in the sun, and you know what I like small things and not big things... but... at least my mother will let me stay there. She was very supportive and understanding. Ever since she got sober she's been trying to be a good mom even though she's not the best at it; I really like that her heart is now in the right place. Like she tries really hard to get me good Christmas presents, and all that, ever since she got sober. It would be nice to mend some issues from when she was drinking and mean when I was a little girl. Also, luckily, I never drink alcohol so I won't have any triggers around her house. I think we should get along decently well, because she's not mean or abusive unless she's drunk.

Also, as it turned out, my husband was in fact upset. Last night he'd apparently 'switched off' emotionally. I mistook his reaction for a lack of a reaction. Today he spent nearly the entire day sobbing. I hate to say it but I was glad to see it. I mean, I had thought he didn't love me in any way. It made me think the past was not real and I'd been tricked for years. I'm glad he loves me as his best friend and is really going to miss me. We agreed it would be good for us to find more compatible romantic partners. We are very amicable right now and there hasn't been one shouting match or fight. There's no dispute over what items go where. He'll even give me some money every month. I'm letting him keep the cat. He's giving me the best gaming computer we have. And he's also giving me a car of my own, signing the title over, so that I have a way to get around on my own, and can drive to Texas. Fucking Texas. I even hate the name.

I'm hopeful for the future in ways, even though it's a lot scarier in other ways. Maybe one day now I could find the little one of my dreams to take care of. I have a lot of love to give. I think from this point forward when looking for romantic partners I'm going to include this part of my life, the ABDL part, because I didn't realize how much it meant to me until I was in a longterm relationship with someone who shared no interest whatsoever in the idea. He was accepting of my partaking in it, but it's not the same as someone who truly understands and does the same thing themselves.

It will take me about a week or so to get my life organized here and move down to Texas. Don't be shocked if I update my story, because it's, for me, a good way to take my mind off my own troubles. Writing is my biggest hobby. I won't be able to find a job or new hobbies until I move. Also, I basically already finished the next chapter before all this happened anyway.

Thank you to everyone who posted and private messaged me. You all gave amazing advice and support and I realized you guys aren't just my acquaintances. I feel like you are friends. I don't know if I would have gotten through this without this blog, this place, and your responses. It kept me grounded in something and gave me a voice somewhere. I appreciate it so very much.

Mermaids, Fantasy, and Wanting

gigglemuffinz — Tue, 07 May 2013 10:56:14 GMT

So I was running around tumblr, looking at pictures of Ariel.. because I love looking at pictures of characters and she's totally my favorite Disney Princess when I saw someone make a mention of how she had no idea why Ariel would want to be human when she really wants to be a mermaid.

So a lot of thoughts rushed through my mind when I read this. The first of the many thoughts and probably the simplest is I know how she feels. I always wanted to be a mermaid, especially when I was young but still today. The beautiful creature swimming and being able to explore something that feels so magical and wonderous, the sea's or the ocean's. To someone like me though, being able to be female without needing the downstairs is wonderful too.. more simplistic, I can find myself relating to them physically more. I know that sounds odd, but it's easy for me to picture.

The more powerful thoughts and the reason I posted this though was that she didn't understand, it's the very feelings that make girls like me and her want to be a mermaid that are the feelings that make Ariel want to be human. That feeling of, not to just outright quote it.. but.. be apart of a world that feels like a world you really belong in. The feeling of not being comfortable in your own and constantly believing that you are something else inside.

It might be easy to understand why she's my favorite Disney Princess now.

So, um, my marriage ended a few hours ago.

Frogsy — Tue, 07 May 2013 07:07:40 GMT

I don't know where else to put my feelings, you know. I'm so sorry it's here. I'm so sorry to you guys. I have no one to go to and no family and now I have no husband. I have no friends. I wish I wasn't a loser and I wish I had like some other place and I know I'm even new here and I don't even have any friends here, just acquaintances, but I literally have no one in the world. Let me just put this here, please.

I feel so incredibly stupid. I've been with my husband for six years, almost seven. I thought everything was going really great between us except that tonight he was really quiet and I asked what was wrong and he didn't answer. Like not and I don't know or whatever, he literally stayed silent. And so I kind of let it pass and it hurt my feelings, and whenever I tried to see what was wrong again and he wouldn't answer and... then he told me he doesn't want to stay married to me anymore. I asked what I did wrong, because like, if there was something I did wrong I'd change it. I thought we were best friends. He said that I feel more like a sister to him than a romantic partner. He said he tried to make it work but... it wasn't working I guess. I mean, like, not for him.

So, you know like, all those posts where I said he was a great guy and really understanding, well those are still true he's still a great guy and I care for him a lot. I wish I didn't care for him at all, like I don't know why I still have all this love in my heart and... anyway he said he hasn't loved me in 'that' way ever and he said he shouldn't have ever asked me to marry him. I guess he felt like it was the right thing to do, or something.

I have nowhere to go. He said I can stay here, in the house. He says he hopes I find a better romantic partner. There wasn't any yelling or fighting, just like, him kind of talking to me and me kind of crying a whole lot. I usually don't get dumped. It only happened once before, when I was 17. I think out of the two times, my husband ... ex-husband? was nicer about it actually. He didn't cheat on me and said he isn't seeing anyone else. He's not gay, even though I asked like three times. It isn't about my ABDL side, even. It doesn't bother him.

I still don't have a therapist, or health insurance, or money, or a job, or a car, or my health, or family, or friends, or like... well shit. I've got nothing anymore really. :( Now I officially have nothing. I guess I do have this weird hope, like, that maybe somehow things will be okay. Even though I can no longer picture the future anymore, like I used to picture growing old with him, I guess the future is still there but just darker than before. If you read my last post and then this one, I must sound like a complete basket case. Maybe you're right. I'm so sorry about this. I TOO wish there was another place for me talk to someone. But I'm just a loser you guys. I'm just a loser. I got dumped by my husband for no reason other than, I think, being me. I'm not like 500 pounds and butt ugly either I totally swear to you heh. I don't know. I don't know about anything anymore. I'm just a worthless kind of person though if tragedy strikes and I just go straight to a decently friendly forum.

I'm not gonna kill myself or anything. Not that I know of. He said that's why it took him so many years to tell me this. He said it was because he was afraid I'd commit suicide. (I guess tonight he wasn't afraid of my death any longer heh.) So like, whatever that means, you know? I won't be thrown into the street homeless or anything, but I feel like a clock is ticking. I have to find a new way to survive in maaaybe about one year's time. If I can't do it, and no one else will love me, I think then I'm going to have to call it quits. I give myself... one year.

No One Person...

Oateson — Mon, 06 May 2013 09:57:17 GMT

No one person is intrinsically better than any other one person. One person may be 'smarter' than another, but intelligence is subjective. One person may be 'stronger' than another, but that carries no moral duty to treat the stronger better. One person may be 'more beautiful', but that is not who they really are. One person may be 'popular', but being constantly surrounded leaves no room for the self to flourish.

Conflicted

KimbaStarshine — Mon, 06 May 2013 02:36:01 GMT

I'll be going Mother's Day shopping this week, which involves my mom sitting in the car while I go in the store, putting the stuff in the trunk, and hiding it in my closet. So this is an opportunity to purchase diapers. But I don't think I have the courage to. I think it'd want to puke on Kmart's floor. And if I did buy them, I'd have to get my mom something she wouldn't return, because then she'd need the receipt, and it would say diapers. (No way I'd ask for them rung up seperately.) One part of me says just go in and get the diapers and the present. The other part says it's not worth the risk.

I just don't think I'm ready for this step yet.

Was my ABDL side brought on by trauma?

Frogsy — Sun, 05 May 2013 10:28:10 GMT

This question was asked in the adult baby forum. I didn't want to answer it there because I sometimes feel bad for sharing dark things in the middle of a group conversation. It feels like I'm squirting ink in people's eyes like a squid. Everyone's all blinded and stunned and it's my fault. So I'll leave this here, in its own little island. You can read it if you like but you don't need to be subjected to it if you don't care to be.

My childhood was not good in any way. Most of the time, when I look back, I remember all these things like sunsets and trees and the way a day smelled but I barely remember events with people in them. When I do remember those, most of the time they're plain terrible. Not always. I remember my dad playing catch with me in the front yard, and swimming in the ocean with him, diving off his shoulders. I wish he was home more often to protect me, but he had a very demanding job in New York City. He was the Vice President of a major company. I stumbled on the semantics and believed for years that he was the Vice President of the United States. No one told me otherwise until I was seven.

If I could sum up my childhood with just one single event, it would be my ninth birthday party. My father was away on business. I had an okay time with the kids in my class who came over. I wish I could say they were friends, but they were just all the girls in my class who came for the goody bags and/or because their parents forced them to be polite.

We were playing Super Mario Bros when my mother stumbled into the room. (She always liked to celebrate major holidays and birthdays with slightly more alcohol than she consumed on a daily basis.) My mother decided that this birthday party was a complete mess. She grabbed my arm and picked me up and dropped me on my knees by all the snacks and empty plates. She yelled at me to clean it up right then and there. But she kind of forgot to let go of my arm so I had trouble cleaning up with one hand. All the girls watched me, talking with just their eyes to each other. My mother kept pulling me this direction and that direction, towards plates or cups or spilled things, like I was this little human vacuum. My older sister came around a while later and saved me, distracting my mother so she'd go after her instead of me. My sister would normally repay me for this in some less violent way, like holding me down and making me eat dog food. Compared to what she got, this price was more than fair. Anyway, all the other kids sort of sat in silence. I said I was sorry. They wanted to go home.

Things like this happened all the time. I spent a heck of a lot of time trying to make houses inside closets. I'd bring pillows and blankets and food, toys, my dolls and stuffed animals. So much time was spent hiding. My dad even helped, when he was home. He'd serve an extra function; keeping her away from the hiding places. I can't figure out why he didn't divorce her and take me somewhere safe. It might have been because he was so religious.

At school the other kids treated me very badly, too. Almost everyone gets bullied at some point. Most kids who get bullied get bullied by a few rotten eggs. But in four separate schools I was bullied by nearly every single kid in the school, whether they were younger or older than me. I can't tell if this is because attending my birthday parties destroyed a part of their own childhood and they sought subconscious revenge, or more simply because I lacked all but the most basic social skills. I'm serious - I didn't understand things the way other kids did. I used to masturbate in public well beyond toddler years. That's how bad my concept of social skills were.

My father died when I was a teenager. Cancer. My mother's brain suffered from all the drinking. She forgets who I am sometimes. She asks me the same questions over and over. When she talks about movies she's just seen, she tells me the ending every single time. But three years ago she did stop drinking with the help of AA. My sister stopped talking to me ten years ago. I do not recall what she got angry about, but really I know it's because she normally got beaten far more than me, and sometimes on behalf of me, and her own childhood was oftentimes spent keeping me alive. Once she drove me to the doctor because I had a fever of 105 degrees. She was fourteen. It turned out that I had pneumonia, so, my sister saved my life for certain that day. She's now strangely close to my mother.

So what's all this got to do with me being an adult child? I don't know. There's about a million things I could point to, and so many things I don't remember. Part of me thinks it's because no one really raised me. My dad tried really hard to raise me, but his job was so demanding. There were so many business trips for months at a time. My sister, six years my senior, did a good job of keeping me alive, but a lot the time she was full of bitterness. She actually abused me much more than my mother did. My mother usually went for neglect, but my sister would throw me around quite a lot. So she also was unable to raise me. Mass media may have ended up raising me. Television and movies, books and music. We were one of the first families to have cable television. My sister stayed up until midnight to watch "Video Killed the Radio Star" open up MTV's first broadcast.

So here's what I think happened. First, I was punished for being a bedwetter in a place akin to daycare - it was called "play-school" or some such. Most abused kids are bedwetters. It's a terrible circular system, because parents kind of hate it when they have to wash sheets all the time. So when I was either three or possibly four I was scolded and put back into diapers after an accident during naptime. I told that story here before. At that time I think I already liked diapers and that was the reason the memory is so strong. It is also possible, though, that that very incident made me like diapers in the first place.

Next, because the TV had a big part in raising me, I used to watch it all the time. This included episodes of Full House on Friday nights. This was my dream house. There were no mothers in that show. It was a safe place. The kids were happy, the big sisters didn't hurt the little sisters (and get away with it) and there were three loving daddies at once. If one daddy couldn't be there, another daddy would be there instead. The girls were never left all alone. My dream world. I grew envious of Michelle, the baby in that show. I wished I could be her; being raised in that family instead of my own. This is what started my dreams of going back and being little, or being a baby. I wanted to do it all over again. Get a second chance.

So there you have it. I'm sorry for all the bad things and the sad things. I wanted to get it out, though, because I planned on being very honest here on this support site. If sometimes I seem kind of messed up to you, or you don't understand what I'm thinking when I say something, I bet this blog entry could probably explain a lot of it.

Political Parties are a Sham

Oateson — Sat, 04 May 2013 14:52:20 GMT

Original Post here.

There are no two 'sides' with competing ideologies. There are just politicians and their paycheques. They will say anything as long as it will get them elected. They'll dress up in one ideology for a morning press conference, put on an entirely different face for a speech to the parliament (edit: Senate for you Americans), and then wear a pragmatic, deal making suit for their behind-closed-doors meetings with lobbyists.

The only substantial duality in politics is the People and the Power. The People are all the people who don't have power, and the Power is the people who do. The Power endures by driving divisions amongst the People using rhetoric and grand-standing. It can only be beaten when the People realise their plight and take the power back.

The government is not the People. Ideally it is subservient to the People, but in no way are the two co-terminus.

Political Irony In Perspective.

ilostthesheriff — Sat, 04 May 2013 10:30:20 GMT

This is an ideology conversation I started in a thread.

Socialism: "Where is Churchill or Reagan? I need to speak to them now! I have a new theory to push."

Capitalism: "They each died some time ago."

Socialism: "Whaaat?...... eh.... uhm... This will be EASY! Thanks!"

Capitalism: "What do you mean by that?"

Socialism: "Listen minion; I will devide you into segments so varied that you will not even care what true freedom is. You will get mingled up in your own pleasures and lifesyle, that I eventually will provide for you, that you will feel at ease. Don't worry, I will provide EVERYTHING!

Capitalism: "What about our current freedoms such as the-right-to-bear-arms? Or the freedom to converse freely or practice religion? This sounds like a big change."

Socialism: "Oh don't worry. That is old-school. It has already been contested by Marxism and Communism. It didn't stick. The new term for getting past these failed ideals is Progressivism. I'ts new but it will work in deviding you all into your own corners to live in relative peace."

Capitalism: "Devided?"

Socialism: "Yes. It's easier that way. Remember you will eventually get used to it and if you provide enough tokens to the government it will be re-distributed to those who have never seen one. You in a way are giving. You will earn the sense of being unified. A sense of Unity. See what I mean?"

Capitalism: "But what if I need those tokens for my own family?"

Socialism: "Don't worry your heart. I will see to it that your tokens are used properly."

Capitalism: "What if my kid fails at school and doesn't make enough tokens to sustain himself?"

Socialism: "You ask too many questions. Just abide and be comforted that he will recieve as many tokens from the government as he needs. We aim to please. Your comfort means you are docile and pose no threat to the order. It's called peace."

My first 12 hours with a Pacifier (Follow Up of my previous Blog)

Braddeh — Sat, 04 May 2013 09:36:51 GMT

So, as stated before, today I managed to gather up the strength to buy myself a pacifier (or as it was called on the packaging a "soother" but really it's a paci :p )

The brand I ended up getting was an AVENT 6 - 18+ months, it was a dual package with two clear colored pacifiers, which was very convenient since I can keep one just in case I lose the first one or am forced to throw it out.

The pacifier itself, feels really nice and natural, it's nipple is one of silicone and I can understand why most people prefer it over the other ones that are made, especially considering that I love how good it feels in my mouth.

The sizing of the nipple is perfect for my mouth and it feels really good in there and I cannot stress that enough since I was fretting about how much it would be too small and wouldn't fit properly.

The only downside I have on it is the presentation of it, that being clearly see-through, no color, no design, nothing. But even then, it's a minor one and I can always modify it down the line (I was thinking green, I wuv green~ <3) and really, I don't intend on using it outside of my privacy...yet xD

So, yeah, I'm loving the Paci and it had most likely taken over my thumb as the main thing I'm sucking on from now on. ^_^

Keep Moving

Oateson — Fri, 03 May 2013 16:21:02 GMT

Never stop moving. If you want success, the thing which most consistently unites successful people is they never, ever stop.

One day more, give me strength...

Braddeh — Fri, 03 May 2013 12:30:35 GMT

Tomorrow I go to do my groceries, during that shop I'm gonna attempt to buy myself a Pacifier...or a couple to try out.

Tomorrow, I take my first big leap into the AB side of this lifestyle....

Wish me luck, for I am going to need all the strength I need :P

Honesty

Oateson — Thu, 02 May 2013 14:20:27 GMT

Being honest with yourself is one of the most important things. If you can't accept who you are, or you aren't comfortable with yourself, then don't expect other people to understand you. This will push them away. It doesn't mean you have to be completely open, just honest and okay with where you're at.