Messages, words plastered on message boards across the net. Notes scribbled wanting of validation of others. the soft caress of bits and data streaming back and forth like and ocean's tide. the mechanical push of time and space forgot. the essence of a spiritual being constricted down to a single point. being as omnipresent as electrons coursing back and forth from point to point. how do we know this isn't god we speak to when we talk on the message boards on a daily basis?

To be conscious during dreamtime is quite a superfluous situation. The thoughts, imagery, and depth is up there with the best of psychedelics. But it is my understanding that today's people shuffle on as if life is of not worth living. To be concise i could say quite the contrary and leave it as such, but the world needs more. people need to understand that there are needs that they need to tend to in daily life. crying like a child that needs to be tended to, people push to the back of their minds...

i didn't want to lose this so i'm writing this as fresh as i can. i just came to the realization of my *b/dl self and my depression.
i was watching a video of stephen colbert on 60 minutes that my friend sent me. the interviewee (forget who) said that all comedians have to go through painful times to be funny and for some reason it triggered this thought. now i'm not a comedian but it just hit me.
the reason why i'm am the way i am now is because i didn't have parents growing up....

the pain of happiness, love, and joy can be odd at times. you don't realize it till one moment you feel your heart being tugged and pulled at by an invisible okami figure. the glowing fibres of the heart just being played like a harp each one plucking at the sound and breath of another.
why does love have to be so estatic and anguishing at the same time? i want to hold someone close, look into their eyes, give them a kiss with passion and just say those sweet three words. i just hope someday...

i just wish i could turn around and just reset everything. i just want a new life; a clean slate. i want a new body. sometimes i think it's just time for me to leave here. i'm just not fitting in to this world. everyone's focus, the world's state of mind is very... weird. no one loves one another. it's all a hate fest. everyone is scared of someone else for some reason weather founded or not.
is it just me or does this not make sense to anyone?
i'm going to be applying for healthcare...