Conversations, miscommunications, and everyday verbal masturbations. Be wary: Nothing important exists beyond this point, although what lies within these extemporaneous scripts, however true, can also obtain offensive material. These conversations are as accurate as I remember.
My day-job is that of an intake coordinator for a defense attorney's office, part of which requires that I interview convicts, both incarcerated and freed, to gather their statements of the cases in question. Names save for mine will be changed.
My day-job is that of an intake coordinator for a defense attorney's office, part of which requires that I interview convicts, both incarcerated and freed, to gather their statements of the cases in question. Names save for mine will be changed.
Don't piss me off. (2/5/08)
Posted 05-02-2008 at 09:00 PM by Dawes
It was the weekend, and I stood outside of our local Ruby Tuesday, smoking a cigarette well away from the door. In Maryland, the indoor smoking ban eliminated all smoking sections from any indoor bar, restaurant, or diner, requiring that those who smoke go outside. I had no problem adhering. I lit my cigarette, and the door opened. A middle-aged blonde-haired woman with seven -- count them, seven -- young daughters of ascending ages trotting like little ducklings behind her. She passes by me, and I kindly smile.
Woman: "Looks like you have to smoke outside, huh?" (She sounded jovial, friendly.)
Rance: "Yup. People don't have much tolerance."
Woman: "Life's a bitch, isn't it, huh? Can't smoke inside anymore. Hmph." (She's passing by me now with her children. There is a hint of sarcasm in her voice.)
Rance: "That's the way it goes."
Woman: (She's walking further away until she and her children are about ten feet away, and then she turns around and says, with choice words...) "I'm glad, because that means I can go out without needing to worry about coming home smelling like smoke from you disgusting people."
Cue Rance's burning sarcasm. This is my adrenaline: I might not be able to fight, but I have no problem wielding words.
Rance: "Oh! Hey!" (I laugh.) "You know what's great about me being a smoker? It's better than not knowing how to keep my thighs closed shut."
The woman took the time of an entire cigarette to load her whole trail of children into her car, but she didn't say a word back to me. When I'm adhering to the law, whether I believe it ridiculous or not, it's not your high-and-mighty place to try to let me know that I'm sub-human -- and if you try, I promise you, I'll have no problem letting my tongue lash out, whether or not your snot-nosed little children are right next to you.
Maybe they'll grow up not being as much of a bitch as their mother.
Woman: "Looks like you have to smoke outside, huh?" (She sounded jovial, friendly.)
Rance: "Yup. People don't have much tolerance."
Woman: "Life's a bitch, isn't it, huh? Can't smoke inside anymore. Hmph." (She's passing by me now with her children. There is a hint of sarcasm in her voice.)
Rance: "That's the way it goes."
Woman: (She's walking further away until she and her children are about ten feet away, and then she turns around and says, with choice words...) "I'm glad, because that means I can go out without needing to worry about coming home smelling like smoke from you disgusting people."
Cue Rance's burning sarcasm. This is my adrenaline: I might not be able to fight, but I have no problem wielding words.
Rance: "Oh! Hey!" (I laugh.) "You know what's great about me being a smoker? It's better than not knowing how to keep my thighs closed shut."
The woman took the time of an entire cigarette to load her whole trail of children into her car, but she didn't say a word back to me. When I'm adhering to the law, whether I believe it ridiculous or not, it's not your high-and-mighty place to try to let me know that I'm sub-human -- and if you try, I promise you, I'll have no problem letting my tongue lash out, whether or not your snot-nosed little children are right next to you.
Maybe they'll grow up not being as much of a bitch as their mother.
Total Comments 4
Comments
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hee hee hee. i wonder if any of the daughters were old enough to understand what you meant by that. XDPosted 05-02-2008 at 11:48 PM by avery
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Telling it like it is, Rance. No better way.
Posted 08-02-2008 at 11:04 AM by Lukie
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Nice you nailed that on the dot, I wonder if any of her kids picked that one up lol.Posted 12-02-2008 at 03:01 PM by Johnathon
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Ah, the public.
What fun.
I like reading these things on your blog because it reminds me that at least I'm not dealing with Joe Sixpack (or Incarcerated Joe Sixpack).
:pPosted 09-02-2009 at 05:44 AM by h3g3l
