Day in the life of...

Another intake at the office. My fellow intake workers are out with the flu, which leaves me to deal with the masses on my lonesome. I've heard a lot of peculiar things... but what follows has got to be the single most awesome thing I've ever heard. A man hobbles in with an uneven gait and sits down. I peruse his file. Second-degree assault. I go through the first few pages of the application, and then I go for the statement..

Rance: "Mr. Jones*, now that we've gotten ...

Another day, another series of criminal intakes. This one involves a woman (who I realize is quite a few bricks short of a load (no pun intended)) telling me why the Disorderly Conduct charge placed upon her is false.

I read over the charging documents, which contain a statement from the plantiff. 'Miss Doe* frequently stands on our porch past midnight, shouting obscenities, screaming about her missing dog, cussing out nothing in particular.'

So I interview her ...

It was the weekend, and I stood outside of our local Ruby Tuesday, smoking a cigarette well away from the door. In Maryland, the indoor smoking ban eliminated all smoking sections from any indoor bar, restaurant, or diner, requiring that those who smoke go outside. I had no problem adhering. I lit my cigarette, and the door opened. A middle-aged blonde-haired woman with seven -- count them, seven -- young daughters of ascending ages trotting like little ducklings behind her. She passes by me, ...

We're doing office intakes. People alleged to have committed crimes -- but were not incarcerated -- have up until 10 days prior to their trial to request the representation of a public defender. My office mate and I are the first line of defense. I'm halfway through an interview when a client decides to become a clown.

Rance: Alright, sir, now that I've got all of your identifying information, I just need to write down your statement -- your words -- relaying what happened on ...

At Rance's household, a Superbowl party can never be too innocent. My team is the Redskins; my friend's team is the Ravens. The contest never dies, even when both teams are done and gone, with only thoughts of next year to carry them forward...

Rance: Alright, Kev, so give me your prediction for today: Patriots or New York Giants?

Kevin: Well... (scratching at an invisible spot on his Raven's jersey.)

Rance: Come on, dude, spit it out. I don't ...