I'm on the verge of it but haven't firmly decided yet.....help please?!

[memorychick]

Hi guys, I am presently still in the adult, or default child/adult combination (explanation follows in my story) stage but things are coming down to it, and I need your help to decide whether to do it...

I am 21 years old. I have several disabilities (cerebral palsy, water on the brain, epilepsy, high functioning autism, Asperger syndrome, and nonverbal learning disorder as well as various mental health issues that wax and wane). I attended preschool for 2 years, from age 2 1/2 to 4. For the entire first year I was still in diapers, and was in fact the only child in the history of the preschool to ever have been accepted while still in diapers, but only because of the CP which was the reason for the diapers as well as the fact that I could not walk. This part of my life is probably the reason I'm considering this. I will admit I write a lot of stories about things that might have happened at preschool. I heard about the AB/DL communities some time ago, and then later on I learned what diaper discipline is. These topics interest me. Now I have suddenly come to the point where I may become an adult toddler eventually (a toddler that wears training pants but only minimally uses potty/toilet, spending the rest of time peeing and pooping in cloth training pants with favourite anime characters on them, or, if these are unattainable, disposable Goodnights or toddler training pants in size 4T-5T). I also have had several dreams of wetting myself that have contributed to me arriving at this point. Only four people IRL know about this: my father, my sister, my friend that's a singer whom I met at age four, and my boyfriend (who says he will break up with me if I do this). Am afraid to speak to mother, but my father, who wouldn't directly comment, seems to have the "you're an adult and if you have mental issues like this I don't think it's a good idea to stop you" stance). Also already have sippy cups but I bought those because I liked the character on them, but at the time I was always knocking my regular cups over. Still use them, but not often, and may or may not use lids. Knowing my story, and trying not to be biased because you are already ABs, do you guys think I should become an AB or stay mature? Thanks in advance for your help!

[Geno]

Knowing my story, and trying not to be biased because you are already ABs, do you guys think I should become an AB or stay mature? Thanks in advance for your help!

Well hello there, memorychick and welcome to ADISC. I think the better question to ask yourself is why you would want to become and identify as an AB/DL. You've listed a lot items concerning that, but the gist I got from it is that it's somewhat easier using said items or you have just an interest in them from reading. For example, some of the IC folks I've seen here wear diapers because they have to. There isn't much enjoyment in it.

I don't see very often threads of someone asking to become an AB. Most here developed such interests during early childhood and said interests have become ingrained into their own person as a whole. So my question to you here is..

I heard about the AB/DL communities some time ago, and then later on I learned what diaper discipline is. These topics interest me.

Why do these topics interest you as whole?

I'd love to help you further, but I don't know how to approach this from what you've described. The bed wetting dreams are interesting since many AB's often yearn to have that happen again. If you just however have an interest in using infantile items for reasons of just experimenting, then go ahead and use them if it makes you happy or satisfies whatever desire.

We are a mature community in the sense we balance our desires with the rest of out adults lives. And for the majority, it isn't a public lifestyle where most of our actions and thoughts revolve around it.

[dlboyuk]

Well we cant make your mind up for you, but we can give you advice. You do however seem to have made your mind up already i.e. the wet dreams and buying the beaker (what charictor is on the beaker btw?) but please do think about those around you, your dad seems to not want to stop you but encourage you not to, without saying as much and your boyfriend has already said he will leave you if you do go ahead with this. but then also is the idea that a true bf/gf will stay withyou whatever you do (How would you feel if he does leave you?) now with them pionts in mind i hope you can make your mind up, if you do go ahead we are here to help and support you and if you dont....again were here. please keep us informed

[memorychick]

Well hello there, memorychick and welcome to ADISC. I think the better question to ask yourself is why you would want to become and identify as an AB/DL. You've listed a lot items concerning that, but the gist I got from it is that it's somewhat easier using said items or you have just an interest in them from reading. For example, some of the IC folks I've seen here wear diapers because they have to. There isn't much enjoyment in it.

I don't see very often threads of someone asking to become an AB. Most here developed such interests during early childhood and said interests have become ingrained into their own person as a whole. So my question to you here is..



Why do these topics interest you as whole?

I'd love to help you further, but I don't know how to approach this from what you've described. The bed wetting dreams are interesting since many AB's often yearn to have that happen again. If you just however have an interest in using infantile items for reasons of just experimenting, then go ahead and use them if it makes you happy or satisfies whatever desire.

We are a mature community in the sense we balance our desires with the rest of out adults lives. And for the majority, it isn't a public lifestyle where most of our actions and thoughts revolve around it.

Well, I think it has to do with my mental health issues I mentioned. It could also be my "the only diapered kid in the history of the preschool" life from 1993-94. Maybe it's even both. But when it comes time that someone might ask me, considering those possibilities seems to happen entirely subconsciously, and since it usually hasn't surfaced consciously, however, I cannot find words to explain to even MYSELF why I am interested in these things and for obvious reasons I hide my open web page about a DD story (NSTW, I think....) and anything close to it in topic, such as ADISC. The stories I write about preschool are also usually NSTW in my own opinion. I know you don't allow explicit stuff here, but I have an imagination that is overactive when it comes to creativity and I've written stories about kidnapping, sexual abuse etc., with NO childhood experience of these things whatsoever in real life (thank my deity), but I am indeed sometimes the victim in these stories even though my real-life past was free of that sort of thing, and if sexual stories get too explicit, I react sexually (in my head I know I shouldn't because I dislike what I'm writing about, but the reaction is physical). That probably has to do with my mental health issues. Sorry, I thought that you would understand my thought processes better if I mentioned that.

Even if I do become an adult toddler, I will try to maintain a somewhat mature life, and I know there will be times in the day where I will decide "oh, I want to play a video game as my adult self" or similar - toddlerism will NOT consume my life even if I do start it. I have written "House Rules for the Adult Toddler" and it repeatedly references the choice to be an adult, if I want, but the routine is set out for when I want to be a toddler, if I decide that. The rules, which mention certain adult activities being prohibited, are intended while I am thinking and acting like a toddler, and having the thought "I want to be an adult" would make the prohibited activities allowed.

Another major factor when deciding to be an adult toddler, is that, as I mentioned, if I decide to my boyfriend will leave me. The trouble is, he told me before this came up that if we break up, because of all my disabilities, I may never find anyone else, even if I remain an adult. The idea of losing my boyfriend is actually the biggest thing keeping me on the fence.

I hope this post clears up some of your confusion.

- - - Updated - - -

Well we cant make your mind up for you, but we can give you advice. You do however seem to have made your mind up already i.e. the wet dreams and buying the beaker (what charictor is on the beaker btw?) but please do think about those around you, your dad seems to not want to stop you but encourage you not to, without saying as much and your boyfriend has already said he will leave you if you do go ahead with this. but then also is the idea that a true bf/gf will stay withyou whatever you do (How would you feel if he does leave you?) now with them pionts in mind i hope you can make your mind up, if you do go ahead we are here to help and support you and if you dont....again were here. please keep us informed

The character on the sippy cup is Diego from "Go Diego Go!" My sister has three little ones and I have a completely spontaneous interest in some other children's shows due to my disabilities (my mother hasn't criticized me for liking children's shows since ridiculing my no-longer-standing liking of Dora the Explorer...my reaction to her reaction was very negative and she has not repeated the mistake since!)

[Geno]

Sorry, I thought that you would understand my thought processes better if I mentioned that.

My apologies. I'm going to go on the basis then you have an overall diaper fetish and being babyied is probably sexual to you. Like I was saying, I wasn't sure if you had diaper fetishism or it was purely a comfort thing or you had a passing interest from it being related to BDSM. There are many mixed AB/DL's, but a lot stick around a couple corners of the spectrum.

If you want to understand your desires more and yourself, give the articles a read over here and check out this site here: Understanding Infantilism

Another major factor when deciding to be an adult toddler, is that, as I mentioned, if I decide to my boyfriend will leave me. The trouble is, he told me before this came up that if we break up, because of all my disabilities, I may never find anyone else, even if I remain an adult. The idea of losing my boyfriend is actually the biggest thing keeping me on the fence.

It's troubling he said "I may never find anyone else" because of you're issues and that's pretty mean to say, actually. Also a little troubling he wouldn't accept a private activity and may not be a good partner in general.

Even if I do become an adult toddler, I will try to maintain a somewhat mature life, and I know there will be times in the day where I will decide "oh, I want to play a video game as my adult self" or similar - toddlerism will NOT consume my life even if I do start it. I have written "House Rules for the Adult Toddler" and it repeatedly references the choice to be an adult, if I want, but the routine is set out for when I want to be a toddler, if I decide that. The rules, which mention certain adult activities being prohibited, are intended while I am thinking and acting like a toddler, and having the thought "I want to be an adult" would make the prohibited activities allowed.

Alright so it sounds to me you're planning on making this a bit of a life style endeavor to achieve, like wearing diapers 24/7 or sleeping in a crib every night. How private do you plan on making this or involving him, then?

[memorychick]

Alright so it sounds to me you're planning on making this a bit of a life style endeavor to achieve, like wearing diapers 24/7 or sleeping in a crib every night. How private do you plan on making this or involving him, then?

Well, in the end, if I decide on it, it will not involve him, but even if I decide on it, I will probably be most free to engage in the activities after I move out of the home I live in (with or without my boyfriend whom I met last year after he moved in), and from what I understand there is hope that will happen, it all depends how quickly I acquire the skills needed to live independently, like cooking and doing laundry etc.). But when I move out I will keep the toddler activities totally private, the only ones who may see me that way would be pets. There will be mature times of day or situations where being mature is necessary so it will not take over my life....as I've stated before, but ideally a good chunk of my day (and probably most nights) will be in toddler mode, if I decide to do this.

[SallS]

Alright so it sounds to me you're planning on making this a bit of a life style endeavor to achieve, like wearing diapers 24/7 or sleeping in a crib every night. How private do you plan on making this or involving him, then?

Well, in the end, if I decide on it, it will not involve him, but even if I decide on it, I will probably be most free to engage in the activities after I move out of the home I live in (with or without my boyfriend whom I met last year after he moved in), and from what I understand there is hope that will happen, it all depends how quickly I acquire the skills needed to live independently, like cooking and doing laundry etc.). But when I move out I will keep the toddler activities totally private, the only ones who may see me that way would be pets. There will be mature times of day or situations where being mature is necessary so it will not take over my life....as I've stated before, but ideally a good chunk of my day (and probably most nights) will be in toddler mode, if I decide to do this.[/QUOTE]

My second degree is in social work and one of my class mates was in a similar physical situation.
What you have planned here, engaging in toddler behavior privately sounds doable. One thing to remember is that where you are today is not where you will be in the future and your needs will change and evolve. You are yet young and life has a way of bringing change.
Do not however allow yourself to be bullied with threats from your BF, this borders on abuse.

[memorychick]

I had a long (and apparently thought-provoking) talk with my boyfriend last night, and I told him that I had decided to become an AB even though he had said at first that he would leave...I told him about how ABs typically think of themselves, and in fact I even confessed that I'm here on ADISC, however, by the time we were finished...he has decided to stay with me and let me indulge this "quirk" privately. I am SO happy now.....Thanks to all of you for your support while I thought on it. With the win-win happy ending, I don't have anything to be upset about - not even losing him, because I have not lost him. Thank you!