Never telling your partner?!

ShippoFox · 18-07-2008

Why would someone keep AB/DL/Babyfur/whatever stuff a secret from his/her partner? I'm not talking about the first few weeks though.... I mean after you've known each other for quite a while. What if you end up moving in together? (that kinda also gives you an idea of how far along I mean) Abandon your desires and pretend they don't exist? Why would you even wanna be with someone that can't accept you? And aren't such secrets usually bad for relationships? I don't understand it.

I'm not in such a situation and I hope I never am. I don't want to be with someone who isn't going to accept me. I mean, I'm sure it's hard to bring the subject up, I did once before, but to never tell? It just doesn't seem like a good idea.

Maverick · 18-07-2008

Because they fear rejection. Some people are still insecure about it and they really love their partners, so they are afraid of their infantilism being rejected by the partner and perhaps putting a dent in the relationship.

You don't have to abandon your desires or pretend they don't exist. You can still participate in AB activities when you have the rare opportunity you're alone by yourself. And you can always think about them and fantasize.

I don't know why someone would want to be with someone whom they aren't sure will accept him/herself. Maybe because they feel their infantilism isn't a big part of their life. Maybe they don't think it has any place in their relationship.

Yeah, keeping things from your partner is bad for a relationship, because relationships need communication and trust. When there's a lack of trust and you're unsure whether your partner will accept you for your infantilism, there's something wrong. When you can't talk to your partner about this side of you, there's something wrong. It's weak and cowardly, if you ask me.

I know I personally would never want to be in a serious relationship with someone who won't accept my infantilism. If I ever marry, it WILL be to a girl who accepts my infantilism. It's such a big part of me, by not accepting my infantilism, I feel you are not accepting me as a person.

*cpndl* · 18-07-2008

I was married 10 years before my Ex found out. She pitched a fit, and not about me keeping a secret for 10 years. She found it very disgusting in her words, and that I was a pervert. I ended up moving out 18 months later, as the relationship was never the same again.

cpndl

Maverick · 18-07-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by cpndl

I was married 10 years before my Ex found out. She pitched a fit, and not about me keeping a secret for 10 years. She found it very disgusting in her words, and that I was a pervert. I ended up moving out 18 months later, as the relationship was never the same again.

cpndl

Yup, this is what I'm afraid of what could happen with me. If I ever marry, I want to make sure my partner knows about my infantilism and is okay with it.

But this kind of scenario is basically a worst-case scenario and it's probably what married infantilists who haven't told their spouse yet fear.

ShippoFox · 18-07-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by cpndl

I was married 10 years before my Ex found out. She pitched a fit, and not about me keeping a secret for 10 years. She found it very disgusting in her words, and that I was a pervert. I ended up moving out 18 months later, as the relationship was never the same again.

cpndl

Eeek... that's terrible.... that's so unfair. I just don't know what else to say. That shouldn't happen to anyone. People will end relationships for such dumb reasons sometimes.

Fire2box · 18-07-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by cpndl

I was married 10 years before my Ex found out. She pitched a fit, and not about me keeping a secret for 10 years. She found it very disgusting in her words, and that I was a pervert. I ended up moving out 18 months later, as the relationship was never the same again.

cpndl

Excuse me for saying it then but she is a total %&*(#. The reason is simply that you both loved each other for 10 years, she knew you were completely sane. I could see her getting mad about you wanting to keep it hidden for 10 years. But for the love of god she freaks out over this small part of you.

The thing I am going to hate is wasting my time as well as the other persons time if they end up freaking out over this. I'll take the time to tell my girlfriend if I ever have one. I guess the goal for telling would be 3-5 months depending on the person themselves. But I don't plan on marring anyone unless we can fully accept each other for who we are not for who we want them to be.

Maverick · 18-07-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fire2box

But for the love of god she freaks out over this small part of you.

Oh, but for some people this is not a small part of themselves. I know for me, personally, it's a very large part of me. I would be a completely different person if I wasn't an infantilist. Infantilism has also made me more accepting and tolerant of others.

But the big thing is me, and a lot of other infantilists, frequently indulge in the TB/AB lifestyle. And that's what really makes it a large thing, especially if one plans to keep indulging in the lifestyle while married.

Fire2box · 18-07-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maverick

Oh, but for some people this is not a small part of themselves. I know for me, personally, it's a very large part of me. I would be a completely different person if I wasn't an infantilist. Infantilism has also made me more accepting and tolerant of others.

But the big thing is me, and a lot of other infantilists, frequently indulge in the TB/AB lifestyle. And that's what really makes it a large thing, especially if one plans to keep indulging in the lifestyle while married.

Well I know for some of us its bigger for others. But still my whole point is you should only get married when your ready to accept and love the person for all they are. Which you should already assume you know everything about them.

*cpndl* · 18-07-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maverick

Oh, but for some people this is not a small part of themselves. I know for me, personally, it's a very large part of me. I would be a completely different person if I wasn't an infantilist. Infantilism has also made me more accepting and tolerant of others.

But the big thing is me, and a lot of other infantilists, frequently indulge in the TB/AB lifestyle. And that's what really makes it a large thing, especially if one plans to keep indulging in the lifestyle while married.

Well during most of that time, I kept my feelings surpressed. I wasn't exactly comfortable with the whole thing myself. I was very much in the aquire and purge cycle. In fact it's only recently that I have become more comfortable with this side of myself, and it eventually lead me to this site.

cpndl

wetatnight · 18-07-2008

keeping secrets in a relationship is a bad idea.
if the other person can't accept you as you are, you shouldn't be togather.
almost all secrets come out eventually and cause strain or destroy the relationship
if your ab/tb/dl or incontinent it's best to not keep it a secret.
if your partner can't accept it, find someone who can.

18-07-2008	#1 (permalink)
ShippoFox VIP Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: PA Age: 22 Posts: 779 Threads: 16 Gallery Uploads: 5 Blog Entries: 21	Never telling your partner?! Why would someone keep AB/DL/Babyfur/whatever stuff a secret from his/her partner? I'm not talking about the first few weeks though.... I mean after you've known each other for quite a while. What if you end up moving in together? (that kinda also gives you an idea of how far along I mean) Abandon your desires and pretend they don't exist? Why would you even wanna be with someone that can't accept you? And aren't such secrets usually bad for relationships? I don't understand it. I'm not in such a situation and I hope I never am. I don't want to be with someone who isn't going to accept me. I mean, I'm sure it's hard to bring the subject up, I did once before, but to never tell? It just doesn't seem like a good idea.

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18-07-2008	#2 (permalink)
Maverick The Little Nonconformist Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: New Jersey, USA Age: 15 Posts: 1,178 Threads: 25 Gallery Uploads: 4 Wiki Edits: 2 Blog Entries: 1	Because they fear rejection. Some people are still insecure about it and they really love their partners, so they are afraid of their infantilism being rejected by the partner and perhaps putting a dent in the relationship. You don't have to abandon your desires or pretend they don't exist. You can still participate in AB activities when you have the rare opportunity you're alone by yourself. And you can always think about them and fantasize. I don't know why someone would want to be with someone whom they aren't sure will accept him/herself. Maybe because they feel their infantilism isn't a big part of their life. Maybe they don't think it has any place in their relationship. Yeah, keeping things from your partner is bad for a relationship, because relationships need communication and trust. When there's a lack of trust and you're unsure whether your partner will accept you for your infantilism, there's something wrong. When you can't talk to your partner about this side of you, there's something wrong. It's weak and cowardly, if you ask me. I know I personally would never want to be in a serious relationship with someone who won't accept my infantilism. If I ever marry, it WILL be to a girl who accepts my infantilism. It's such a big part of me, by not accepting my infantilism, I feel you are not accepting me as a person.

18-07-2008	#3 (permalink)
cpndl Lurker Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Midwest Posts: 123 Threads: 3 Reputation: 5	I was married 10 years before my Ex found out. She pitched a fit, and not about me keeping a secret for 10 years. She found it very disgusting in her words, and that I was a pervert. I ended up moving out 18 months later, as the relationship was never the same again. cpndl

18-07-2008	#10 (permalink)
wetatnight Regular Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: USA Posts: 126 Threads: 7 Reputation: 0	keeping secrets in a relationship is a bad idea. if the other person can't accept you as you are, you shouldn't be togather. almost all secrets come out eventually and cause strain or destroy the relationship if your ab/tb/dl or incontinent it's best to not keep it a secret. if your partner can't accept it, find someone who can.