[teddy564339]

The rest of the evening was uneventful. They watched the movie, Will ordered a pizza for dinner for the three of them, and eventually his parents got home. But as Will went to sleep that night, he still felt like an outcast among his friends and family for his strange desire.

It became even harder for Will to ignore these feelings over the next few weeks. This was because Michelle had found a deep interest in his so-called “dark secret”. He knew that she felt that she knew everything about him, and he also knew that it was annoying to her that he had something that he had kept from her. He could kind of understand it, since for all she knew it could range from him cheating on her best friend to him still sleeping with a teddy bear. Still, he couldn’t help but be really annoyed about it, since she simply would not drop the subject.

Every day, she would be like, “Oh come on Will, you can tell me. I’m sure it’s not THAT big of a deal. Come on, don’t we tell each other everything?”

“Michelle, honestly, just drop it. I’m not going to tell you. It was a huge mistake to even tell you I had a secret and I never would have done it had I not been drinking.”

“I TOLD you that you shouldn’t drink like that,” she said.

“Even so, I want you to just forget that I ever said anything. Because I’m not going to tell you. I’ve never told anybody (‘in person, that is’ he said to himself), and I probably never will. So honestly, just pretend I never said anything.”

She must have asked him about 50 times, and he told her no each time. But even though it may have seemed like he was holding his ground, her constant pleading was having an effect on him. He seemed to be thinking about toilets more than he normally did, and he started to feel weirder and weirder about the whole thing. It was nice to talk to people on-line, but sometimes they just felt like they were imaginary people. He really wished he could just have someone to talk to face to face.

Slowly, day by day, these thoughts began to chip away at him. Even though he had swore to himself he would never tell anyone about his desires, he found himself considering the idea of actually telling her. As the days passed, he leaned closer and closer to letting the cat out of the bag. Finally, the day came where he decided that he just couldn’t take it any more, and he’d just go ahead and tell her. He had trusted her with just about everything else before, and he knew that if he could tell anyone, it was her.

So, the next day after school, he went over to her house where he knew they wouldn’t be bothered. After some initial conversation he finally said,

“Ok, Michelle, since you’re so extremely interested, I’ll tell you what my ‘dark secret’ is. But listen. I’ve never told anyone this before, and to be honest, it’s really weird and even kind of embarrassing. So you have got to promise me that you’ll never tell anyone about this. Honestly, me even telling you is a great sign of trust.”

Although Michelle was very excited to know what the big secret was, she could also tell how extremely serious that Will was. So, she said, “Ok. If it’s that big of a deal, I promise that I won’t ever tell anyone about it.”

“Ok then,” he said. “Now, like I said, this is pretty weird. But…well…” This was harder than he had thought.

“Well, do you remember from class how people used to use toilets instead of diapers?”

“Yeah…” she said.

“Well, and I honestly don’t know why, but ever since I was little, I’ve just had this strong desire to…well…use them instead of diapers.”

She just looked at him strangely and said, “What?”

“Toilets. I had this crazy interest in them. I don’t know it’s just…”

But he was cut off by her bursting into laughter. He couldn’t believe it! After all of her pleading and his serious intro, she found it funny! He actually found himself surprisingly hurt by this, and he immediately got very upset and said,

“You see?! This is why I don’t ****ing tell anybody this shit! Well, I’m glad YOU think it’s funny, because…”

Once he started talking like this, he was surprised to see her immediately stop laughing.

To his surprise, the look on her face was very serious and full of concern. She cut off his speech by saying,

“Wait, you mean you’re serious? I’m sorry Will, I thought you were joking! But…you’re not. That means…you’re secret is…toilets…?”

“Yes,” he said firmly, calming himself down. “I know, it’s very bizarre. But it’s true.”

“Wow…I, uh…well…hmm. Well, I have to say, I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Well, are you happy now?” he asked. “You wanted to know my big secret so badly. And now you do. So I guess we really don’t have anything else to talk about.”

“No, really, Will, I’m sorry.” She had to admit, she had been pretty shocked. But now that the initial shock was over, she started thinking about it. He was still her boyfriend, and this was obviously a big thing for him. It would be best if she was sincere about the whole thing.

“It’s just, well, that was the LAST thing I was expecting. I thought you were going to tell me you were adopted or something like that. But honestly, even though I have to admit this is very weird, it’s not that big of a deal, is it? I mean, it’s not like you killed somebody or anything.”

He looked at her with interest. He hadn’t been sure how she would take this whole thing, and he still didn’t know what to think.

“It’s just…I just don’t understand why anyone would WANT to use a toilet. I mean, it’s just…disgusting, right? Why would anyone not use diapers?”

“It’s like I told you, I have no idea. I’ve asked myself why a million times. But I do. But just so you know, it’s not like I’m the only person on earth like this. I’ve looked on-line, and there are tons of us. We’re still in the vast minority, but still…it’s not like I’m one of a kind.”

With that, he got on her computer and showed her some of the tamer sights for people who like toilets (since some of the freaky stuff out there would have surely made her think he was a sicko). That really seemed to help, and he could tell she was slowly warming up to the idea.

Finally, he left her house. He still couldn’t believe he had actually told her, and he was simply relieved that she wasn’t mad and that she didn’t think he was a total freak. As he went to sleep that night, for the first time he felt like he wasn’t a total outcast.

It was funny how things went for the next few weeks. It had been so difficult to finally tell her about everything, but now that he had, it wasn’t so hard to talk about it with her. He could tell that she still found the whole thing weird, but she was very supportive of him, and he found himself pouring into her about the whole thing while she listened intently. His guess was that she realized how big of a deal this was to him and that she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Before too long, he felt almost completely comfortable talking to her about it, and he didn’t even think about her true thoughts about it.

Michelle still hadn’t really completely gotten over the whole thing, though. She really did feel special that he had actually told her something so personal, and because she really did care for him, she didn’t want to make a huge mistake and completely ruin things by being unsupportive. But she still couldn’t shake her own feelings…no matter how hard she tried to look at things from Will’s point of view, she still found the whole thing very, very strange, and it even freaked her out a little bit. What was worse, now that he had told her, it didn’t seem like he could stop talking about it, and as supportive as she tried to be, she was getting kind of tired of hearing about toilets.

So she wasn’t exactly happy when one day he asked her, “Uh, Michelle, I was wondering…do you think that maybe…you could, you know, do something with me that involved toilets?”

“You don’t want me to use a toilet, do you Will?!” she asked in shock.

“No! No! I would never ask you to do that. It’s just, well, I’ve been messing around with this stuff lately, and it would be great if I had someone to help me with it.”

As much as she didn’t really want to, she knew how important this was to Will, so she agreed. And since his family was always around at his house, she even agreed to do it at her house, where things were pretty calm.

“Ok then,” he said. “I’ll see you tomorrow, and I’ll bring everything that we’ll need.”



The next day after school, Will went over to Michelle’s house again. Only this time, he took a bucket that he had found in their house one day, the only item that he felt he would need.

When he got to her house, the two of them went up to Michelle’s room (although there was no one else in the house at the time). The two talked for a while about various subjects, until the inevitable topic of toilets came up. Funnily enough, it was Michelle who brought it up, because she had been wondering what Will wanted to do ever since he saw the bucket that he brought.

“So, since I know you’re dying to do this, what exactly did you want me to help you out with?” she asked.

“Well, here’s the thing,” said Will. Even though he was kind of nervous about all of this, he had talked to Michelle enough times about his toilet feelings that he was able to talk fairly comfortably. “If you remember what I’ve told you, there are a pretty wide variety of people who don’t like diapers, and they’ve gotten the name Diaper Detesters. Although they can be split into a lot of groups, a particularly large group have a particular interest in toilets. These are called Toilet Lovers. And like I’ve told you, I fit into this group, so that’s all I’ll focus on.

“In the group of Toilet Lovers, some are just that; they only like toilets. Of course, there are a few problems for them to live out their desires. Firstly, there really aren’t many around anymore, so unless they’re lucky enough to find an area where they’re still installed, they have to make do with what they can. Hence, the bucket that I brought.”

Michelle still felt pretty weird, and she couldn’t help but think of Will as being strange, especially because he was talking like this was completely normal. But she persisted and listened as intently as she could, determined to show concern for him because she knew she was one of his only outlets.

“You mean,” she said. “You’re actually going to…you know, pee in the bucket?”

“Well, yeah, but wait a sec, I’ll get to that,” he responded. “Now, some people have been able to build some pretty neat little devices, some with water in them, and some that actually flush. You do know how toilets work, right?” he asked.

“Yeah, basically. You do your stuff, wipe yourself, put the paper in there, and then you…uh…”

“You pull this little handle thingy and all of it gets sucked down a pipe that leads to a septic tank or a sewer or something, basically just like a sink or a bathtub.”

“But don’t people get stuck or sucked down, too?” she asked with fear.

Will laughed and said, “No, of course not, the hole’s too small, only the water gets sucked down, and it’s not like you’re sitting on it when you flush anyway. Like I was saying, though, as you can imagine it’s basically impossible for the average person to build one in their own home, although I’ve heard some people have done just that. However, most people just do what they can, and all I’ve really done is used this bucket.”

“You mean you’ve done this before? You actually pissed in this bucket?!” she asked, backing away from the bucket.

“Well, yeah…haven’t I ever told you that?”

“You said you wanted to, I never knew you actually DID it. Ugh, that’s weird.”

“Oh come on,” he said. “It’s not like you’re all high and mighty. You do it in your diaper every day.”

“Yeah, but that’s different. You get changed right away, and cleaned, and…you know.”

“Anyway, yes, I’ve done it. And it’s not that big of a deal. Afterwards, I just pour it down the sink, and I wash the bucket.”

Michelle then said, “Now THAT is disgusting. That’s why we have androids, you know.”

“I have to admit, it wasn’t that pleasant, but you know, way back in the day, that’s what people had to do.”

“Yeah, and that’s why people were primitive back then. But wait…how are you able to do this? It’s not like you know when you have to pee or poop or anything.”

“Well, you see, that’s a problem. Some of us want to use something like a toilet so badly that they’ll stand or sit there and wait until it comes out. But I don’t have the patience for that. So I’ve been able to train myself to learn how to know when I need to go, and how to hold it in until…”

“You mean you actually HOLD it IN?!” she asked in disbelief. “That is SO cracked out. It just gives me chills.”

“Honestly, what’s the big deal? So I can hold in my piss, so what? It’s not like it’s dangerous or unsanitary or anything.”

“Yeah, but…are you sure? I thought I once read a study that back when people had toilets they had all these urinary tract problems and stuff like that because they held it in…”

“That’s a bunch of crap. Maybe in some extreme cases, ok, maybe, but not in general.”

“Ok, so let me get this straight. You wait until you have to piss, then you hold it in, then you go to this bucket, and you piss in it. And you like this?”

“Well, yeah. Once I actually tried to take a shit in it, but that was kind of nasty so…”

“Ok, piss is bad enough, I don’t think I can handle hearing about you pooping in a bucket, ok? Anyway, so where do I come into all of this? What do you want from me?”

Will mentally sighed. It hadn’t been too bad telling Michelle all about his toilet desires, but he had only briefly mentioned his other interest. He also had a particular interest in the idea of toilet training, which was why he considered himself to be a Potty Trainee as well as a Toilet Lover. However, he thought Michelle would find this even stranger. But it was one of his secret fantasies to completely engage in the toilet training process, and this was probably the closest he’d ever get to it.

“Well, you see, even though just about all of us get pleasure from doing this, some of us like more than just the idea of using a toilet. If you remember, I think I mentioned another group other than Toilet Lovers. These people are Potty Trainees, and I fit into this group as well. People in this group have a particular interest in actual toilet training.”

“Uh,” said Michelle. “What exactly is that again?”

“Well,” Will said patiently. “If you remember, even back when people used toilets, babies actually didn’t. They wore diapers just like us because they weren’t able to hold it in, and also because as you can imagine, it’s impossible for a baby to get up and around and use a toilet. However, once a kid reached a certain age, which was usually between 2 and 4, he or she was ‘toilet trained’. This is when they were taught to do just what I’ve been talking about; recognizing when they needed to go, holding it in until they reached a toilet, and then using the toilet properly.

“This was a really big deal for parents. Not only did it mean they didn’t have to change their kid’s diapers any more, but it was like another step in growing up, like learning to walk or learning to talk. So, a lot of times parents would strongly encourage their kids to do this; learn to hold in their waste, tell the parents when they needed to use the toilet, and then use it right. Every time the kid did it right, the parents would praise him or her and tell them that they’re a “big” boy or girl, or something to that effect.”

“Ok, that is just freaky,” said Michelle. “There’s no way I would ever want my child to use one of these things.”

“Well,” said Will nervously. “You see, unfortunately, that’s the kind of thing I wanted you to help me out with. I don’t know why exactly, but I also have a desire to not only train myself to use a toilet, but to have someone train me. I don’t know, I’ve read that some of it might have to do with me missing out on some big accomplishment between the age of 2 and 4. I don’t really remember anything out of my life then, but apparently my parents didn’t praise me and make me feel like I was growing up, so I never really got this sense of independence and accomplishment. So, I have a desire to gain this, and it all manifested into one particular goal to accomplish. And for some reason, this is related to my toilet interest, and therefore, I have this great desire to go through the toilet training process. Now, I don’t know if this is true or not, and it’s not like I consciously feel like I’ve missed out on some stage of my childhood. It’s just I’m left with this crazy desire, and that’s the apparent explanation.”

Michelle just kind of looked at him in disbelief. “Wow,” she said. “I can’t believe it. I just thought you were normal, just like everybody else all of these years.”

“Don’t you see?” Will asked. “I am normal...I’m still the same person you’ve always known. It’s just I have this crazy interest. But, until now, I’ve never had the chance to live it out, and I was hoping you’d be able to give me that chance.”

Michelle wasn’t sure about all of this, but it looked like this was something very important to Will. So she just sighed and said, “All right. What exactly do you want me to do?”

“Ok,” said Will. “I’ve been holding in my piss for the last hour or so. What I want you to do is pretend like I’m a little kid about 3, and that you’re my mom. I’ve been wearing diapers for my life, but it’s time for me to get toilet trained. It’s been really hard for me to do this, and I’ve still yet to actually make it to a toilet without wetting myself. So what’s gonna happen is that I recognize I need to go, I tell you, you tell me that I need to go to the toilet, which will be the bucket, which will be in the bathroom. Just pretend it’s a real toilet. Then, I pull down my pants, undo my diaper, and I pee in the bucket. I act all happy, and you’re all happy too, telling me that I did a very good job and that I’m a big boy, not a baby anymore. Think you can do that?”

“Uh…”, Michelle said. “I think so…just give me a moment, I really have to stretch my imagination to pretend this.”

As Michelle took a few minutes to get over the weird feelings she was feeling and try to imagine herself in the scenario, Will found himself kind of nervous but extremely excited. As tough as it was to spit this all out, he would now FINALLY get the chance to live out his fantasy. And he loved Michelle, so there was no better person to fit this role (except for maybe his own mom, but that would be just too weird for him).

After those minutes, Michelle said, “Ok, I think I know what to do. I’m ready.”

“Ok, let’s go downstairs into your living room,” said Will.

The two of them headed to the living room and once they were there, Will said, “All right, here we go…starting…now!”

Immediately, Will changed his voice. Sense part of his fantasy involved him pretending like he was being toilet trained, he had little difficulty pretending like he was a three year old (even if it was kind of embarrassing around Michelle, it was a small price to pay). In his best little kid voice, he said, “Uh-oh, mommy, I have to go pee pee.”

It was a good thing Michelle was ready for this. She then said in her best sincere motherly voice, “Ok then, ‘Willy’, where do we go when we have to pee?”

“The bathroom!” said Will excitedly. Next, he ran up the stairs into Michelle’s bathroom with her right behind him.

As he stood in front of the bucket, Michelle said, “Ok, now what do you do next?”

Without speaking, Will unbuckled his belt, and then slid his pants down to his ankles. He then undid the tapes on his diaper.

“Ok, now make sure you don’t miss,” said Michelle.

“Ok,” said Will. Then, making sure his aim was true, he began to urinate into the bucket. It lasted for about thirty seconds, and then he stopped. Michelle had never seen this before, so she watched in amazement (that is, she had never seen someone urinate openly before, she had seen Will’s penis plenty of times, so that wasn’t weird).

Once he was done, he smiled and said excitedly, “I did it! Mommy, I did it! I didn’t need my diaper!”

“Good boy, Willy! I’m so proud of you! You did it just like a big boy! No more baby diapers for you! You’re growing up…” Suddenly, Michelle’s voice changed and she looked flustered. All of her thoughts and emotions about this whole thing hit her, and she suddenly felt sick of everything

Looking at Will, in her normal voice she said, “I’m sorry Will, but I just can’t do this. It’s just too weird, and kind of gross. I mean, I know how important it is to you, but…”

Will’s face fell. For those few minutes, he had been so happy. It had been perfect. But obviously, that’s all it could be. He should have known Michelle didn’t like this.

“Fine,” he said. “I know, I know it’s really weird. Thanks for doing it, but yeah, it’s pretty stupid.” Motioning for Michelle’s family’s android, he just laid down while it re-diapered him.

As it was putting his pants back on, Michelle spoke again. “Will, I’ve been meaning to tell you this, too. I mean, I know how big this is to you, and I know how nice it must be for you to open up to someone you know about this, but, honestly, I’m kind of tired of it. I don’t have a problem with you doing it on your own…that’s your business. But I want our relationship to go back to normal. I don’t want to hear about toilets any more. It really does kind of freak me out, and lately it seems to be the only thing you talk about. So, I think it should be like you said…just pretend like you never told me. I won’t treat you any differently, and we’ll both act like I never knew. All right?”

Will was initially pretty shocked to hear this, but he was self-conscious enough about the whole thing that he immediately said, “Yeah, sure. You’re right. I mean, who would want to hear about it, right? It is really weird, and yeah, I shouldn’t drag you into it.”

The two just looked at each other silently for a few more minutes. Then, Will said, “Well, I guess I should be going home then.”

“Ok, then,” Michelle said. They both gave each other a kiss, but there wasn’t any emotion it. After they both said bye, Will left the house and got in his car to go home.

To his surprise, he was close to tears. It wasn’t that he was upset that Michelle was freaked out about all of this…he had known that for a while. It was just that he felt like a such an idiot. It had been so nice to open up to someone about it that he had completely forgotten about how weird she must have found this. For weeks he had gone on and on about all of his feelings and details about his desires, and now he knew that Michelle never really was interested…she was just listening because it made him feel good. He felt like he had pushed this on her, and he felt like a loser. But he thought she was right. He hadn’t been paying as much attention to her thoughts and feelings, and their relationship hadn’t been the same. He owed it to her to put things back to normal, and just pretend like he had never told her. Still, it was very depressing…he had a lost a very personal outlet for this, and he would never get to live out his fantasy again.

By the time he got home, he wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. As he walked through the door, his mom immediately recognized that something wasn’t right.

“What’s wrong, Will?” she asked. “You look really down. Are you hungry? You haven’t eaten, you must be starving.”

“No, mom, I’m not really hungry…I don’t feel like eating.”

“Are you feeling sick?” she asked.

“No, mom…I’m fine…”

“Do you need a change? You know, Will, any time you’re wet you should immediately go to Bob and…”

“NO, mom,” said Will with a little irritation. “I don’t need a change. I just…need to be alone for a while.”

With that, he trudged up to his room, shut the door, and threw himself onto his bed. He didn’t remember the last time he felt this depressed. He was sick of this whole thing. ‘Why the hell am I like this?’ he asked himself, tears starting to well up in his eyes. ‘Why the hell can’t I be normal? Why do I like these ****ing toilets?! What the hell is wrong with me?!’ Before he knew it, for the first time in many years, he ended up crying himself to sleep.