I feel that if you don't have any real mental or physical problems that will effect toilet training. Then by the age of 3 or very soon after their 4th birthday they are in normal underwear. Simply because they are due to start school soon, the school shouldn't have to deal with children with diapers that could of been avoided. And as a parent, it would be very embarrassing to have a child of such an old age in diapers for no real reason other than there own parenting.
Sure, some children are more difficult to train than others. But parents just need to change ideas on how to deal with the situation and not give up. But I have not got any real idea on the real issues behind delayed potty training.
But should you push a child into doing it? I would try the idea to the child first and see if they are ready, but push on the training if they are starting to get old for it. But this would tie into the above. You have to convince the child to go into normal underwear, but not be too hard on it, other wise the child won't like it, or go to soft where the child will still prefer their diapers. Its all about technique.
As a child grows, so does there mental state, so if you prolong it too long, there could be they are attached to the diapers. Just like some people still like to suck their thumb or suck on a pacifier where it will interfer with there speach and teeth. And people who still like their teddies and blankies. There are a large people I know who are attached to the above. they may not be attach to diapers like us. But its the fact that the parents let them have these objects/tasks for so long they have bonded with them. So you gotta do it before such a desire/need grows on the child. Remember, this is when they absorb allot of intelligence, so they may think its okay to carry on this behavior. When thats hardwired into their brain it may be hard to "unlearn" it. At a kayaking course the trainer goes, I am going to teach you the right way, otherwise if you do it wrong you'll continue to do it wrong and you learn it like that and it will be a bad habit to get rid of. Same thing goes here really.
As for bedwetting? I would agree that it prolongs it in the way that it only gives "relief of symptoms" like painkillers do, except makes the washing load lighter. Other actions can be taken to help stop it sooner than later. But everyone's case is different. So what works on one person may not work on the other. But the idea that it gives the message that is Okay is difficult. Because you can't say bed wetting is wrong, as it may effect the child in a bad way. As you really shouldn't punish a child for bed wetting. And you don't want to carry that message. But why should bed wetters have to put up with wet bed sheets if people who have hayfever have to put up with runney noises and sneezing? Both of which is unhealthy if prolong over a long period anyway.
I feel its down to talking to the child and try to aim to stop it rather than put up with it. But at the same time don't shun the child for something that isn't their fault. No child will wet their bed out of lazyness. They know its embarrassing and disgusting.
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