[teddy564339]

In a blinding flash my eyes jerked open and I tossed the bear across the bed. I jumped up quickly, with my heart was pounding and my breathing fast. Without even thinking my voice said, “Nuh-nuh-nothing! Just waiting for you to get back!”

Kylie just continued to giggle and said, “Oh come Eric, I saw you…what were you doing?”

“Nothing!” I said again, this time more forceful. “Just…forget about it! I don’t want to talk about it!”

Kylie was surprised at my anger, but she just said, “Geez…all right. I won’t mention it.” I felt bad for yelling at her, but at the same time I was so ashamed that I couldn’t bear to talk about it. Not knowing what else to do, I just stammered, “I’m going for a walk.” Without even saying goodbye, I raced past Kylie and out the door.


As I ran down the stares and out the door to the beach, I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. ‘Why in the hell did I grab that stupid teddy bear?’ I asked myself. ‘What in the hell made me cuddle it and suck my thumb again? Why did it make me feel so happy? And why’ I asked, beating my fist against my forehead, ‘Why didn’t I shut that damn door?!’

Over and over I asked myself these questions but I got nowhere. I felt disgusted with myself and I couldn’t believe how stupid I had been. First Kylie sees me wetting the bed, and now she sees me cuddling her teddy bear and sucking my thumb?! At least with the wetting I could claim that it was beyond my control. But this was different…Kylie was going to think I was a total pansy, dorky little baby. Why would a great girl like Kylie want to hang around a total wussy like me?

I tried to justify my actions by pointing out that Kylie owned the teddy bear and was playing with it just minutes beforehand. But that was different…first of all, Kylie was a girl and it was normal for them to have stuffed animals. And second, she was just playing with it like a toy…not cuddling it and sucking her thumb like a baby.

I almost felt like running down the beach and never coming back. But I knew I’d have to face Kylie eventually. I sat down on the beach as long as I could, but once the sun started to set I knew everyone would start wondering where I was. I honest to God hoped Kylie wouldn’t dare mention this to anyone else (and I trusted it because she had apparently kept my wetting hidden to), but I figured I might as well head back before she felt inclined to.

I didn’t think Kylie would bring it up if I didn’t, and I was right. When I returned the others were already home and were engaged in conversations. I tried to calmly join in, and thankfully we had plenty of other things to talk about.

Once again we had dinner together and had a relaxed evening of watching TV and relaxing out on the beach. I avoided talking to Kylie as much as I could, and our conversation was limited to short words. I got away with it since nobody noticed, but as bedtime was approaching I knew I’d have to face Kylie.

Maybe it was because I hadn’t been talking to her much, but Kylie seemed more distant this time. It would be really awkward going through our diapering ritual again, but I knew we’d have to do it.

As I got undressed and laid down on the towel, Kylie said, “Well, Eric, I know you’re probably sick of me doing this…so after this time you can do it yourself. I’m sure you’ve gotten the hang of it by now…so as long as you think you can do it without the diaper leaking, I don’t see any need for me to do this any more. And if you want, you can throw away the diapers, too.”

Kylie’s voice wasn’t really cold, it was just kind of firm. “Oh…okay then,” I said, not really knowing how else to respond.

After Kylie finished powdering me and taping up the diaper, she asked, “All right, you think you have it down?”

I nodded, and she then simply said, “Ok, well…goodnight then.”

I said the same to her and I crawled into bed, once again my head swimming with thoughts.


The whole situation was mind-blowing. I felt so frustrated. It seemed like things were going so well…but now I felt so distant with Kylie. She obviously wasn’t going to bring up the teddy bear thing and now she wouldn’t be putting a diaper on me anymore. I knew that I should be happy about all of this…we could finally go back to being normal again. I could put on my own diapers and throw them away myself, so Kylie wouldn’t have to be involved in this bedwetting thing anymore. We wouldn’t even have to talk about it. I could just go back to hanging out with her and being friends again. And on top of that, I could probably drop my stress level and the wetting would stop all together. Then things would really go back to normal…and that’s what I wanted, right?


But something wasn’t right. Even though it would make my life easier to forget about all of that…part of me felt empty inside. Part of it was Kylie’s distant attitude towards me…I felt like I had lost something with her that afternoon. But it wasn’t just that. It was also the bond I developed with her. As crazy as it was, there was something…nice about having her put the diaper on me. It was our little secret and I felt it was something we could connect about, even if it was weird. And it was so personal…being naked in front of her and having her powder and diaper me felt so intimate. It was like our special little tradition.

And then I remembered when she had made those funny baby-talk comments to me. It made me feel so warm inside to think of it. It was so nice compared to the drabness of when she had done it earlier that night. And then with a jolt I was reminded that she wouldn’t even be doing it at all anymore…

I couldn’t believe myself. I actually wanted Kylie to put the diaper on me! As totally insane as that was, it was what I truly wanted. Even though I felt ashamed to feel that way, it was what I naturally felt. I had such warm fantasies of Kylie playfully shaking the baby powder on me and snugly taping the diaper on me, commenting on how I looked cute.

And then another crazy thought popped into my head. I imagined myself happily holding her teddy bear with my thumb in my mouth, and Kylie looking at me and telling me I looked so cute. Suddenly I wished I had the teddy bear with me right then, so I could be warm and cozy underneath the blanket as I held it tightly against my chest…

I suddenly felt like slapping myself. What was I thinking? Why in the hell was I having these thoughts. Knowing that I couldn’t sleep, I got up and paced back and forth, trying to figure out what was going on. I was more stressed out than ever and I felt like throwing up. I had to get to the bottom of what I truly wanted. It was an all out war between what my mind told me I should do and what my emotions told me I wanted to do.


As I paced for an hour, I knew what I had to do. The only way I would truly be at peace would be if I made things up with Kylie. I had to trust my gut and tell her what I really wanted. I had never been able to do it before…the risk was too great. Because if she told me she thought I was a freak, I would be so devastated that I might commit suicide. But I just couldn’t take this anymore…even though I knew I could never make the jump to tell her how much I loved her, I also knew I had to tell her that I liked it when she put the diaper on me. Just thinking about it made me short of breath, but I knew it was the only way I would be at peace. It was a jump I simply had to make, no matter how hard it was.


Mentally and physically exhausted, I hopped back into bed. I was too worn out to fight my feelings anymore, so I just let myself grab an extra pillow and I held it tightly against my chest, pretending it was Kylie’s teddy bear. I forced myself to keep my thumb away from my mouth, but as I slowly drifted off to sleep I felt it inching closer and closer…



When I woke up the next morning, I was tired enough that I didn’t really care about much. I didn’t care that my thumb was in my mouth, I didn’t care that I had been holding the pillow so tight and I didn’t care that once again I had wet my diaper. I just absentmindedly got up, took the diaper off, hid it, showered, and got dressed.

I went downstairs and once again found only Kylie’s parents. They told me that it would be a few weeks before my meeting with the therapist, and I told them that it was fine. I also let them know that I was definitely feeling good enough to work in the store. I was actually looking forward to it so I could get my mind off of everything. I was also happy to hear that Kylie would be staying home that day.


I was very tempted to try to approach Kylie before going to the shop that day, but I felt too pressed for time. I figured it would be better to do it near the end of the day…that way I could think through in my head exactly how I was going to do it. Even though I was able to exchange a few meaningless words with her, I didn’t see a good opportunity to really engage her in conversation.

Josh, Kristen and I made our way to the shop with Kylie’s parents that morning, and even though at first it was a little irritating having to do work (I had gotten used to just chilling out all day), it really wasn’t all that bad. The tasks were simple, even if they were monotonous. Moving around boxes, re-stacking merchandise, checking prices, running small errands…none of it was too hard. In addition, the whole thing felt pretty relaxed since we knew we weren’t getting paid. I could talk with Josh and Kristen while we worked and it wasn’t really stressful. Besides, between the tasks and my conversations with Josh and Kristen I hardly thought about Kylie, much less things like bedwetting and teddy bears.

Unfortunately, during our lunch break there would be a distraction. After we had lunch, Kristen spotted a toy store. She really wanted to go in, and it looked pretty interesting so Josh and I followed. The three of us had a good time looking around the store and messing around with the interesting toys. The pace was actually pretty cool.

After a little while we split up for a bit just to explore the store a little more. Out of nowhere I suddenly saw a few shelves of stuffed animals. At first it didn’t seem like anything special, but my curiosity got the best of me and I decided to look a little more closely. Most of them didn’t really mean anything to me, but suddenly I saw it. It was a teddy bear…and it looked almost exactly like Kylie’s! The only difference was that it was in better condition…the fur was softer and shinier and the nose and paw pads weren’t quite as worn. I quickly checked to make sure no one was around, and I used the opportunity to get a closer look.

I hadn’t thought about it all morning, but once again I was overwhelmed with the sense cuteness for the teddy bear. I didn’t understand why it looked so special to me, but it did. Once again I checked to make sure no one was watching, and then I picked it up off of the shelf. It felt so soft and cuddly and I dreamed of having it as my very own.

I had a fleeting thought of taking it up to the front register and buying it. The thought excited me and for a split second I considered doing it. But then I thought about how silly I would look buying a teddy bear, and I also knew that I’d have to explain it to Josh and Kristen. Besides, I had no money and we had to go back to the shop. Feeling a sense of disappointment in my stomach, I longingly stared at the teddy bear.

“Hey Eric, what are you doing?”

I dropped the bear in surprise and looked up to see Josh standing there. He walked toward me and said, “We’ve been looking for you…we really should get back to the shop.”

“Oh…yeah,” I said, trying to look indifferent as I picked up the teddy bear.

“What were you looking at?” Josh asked, taking a closer look at the bear.

“Oh…nothing. It’s just…these reminded me of some stuffed animals I had as a kid.”

“Oh yeah,” Josh said. “I think I had some like this too. Hey, that one you have looks just like the one in Kylie’s room.”

“Yeah…I guess it does,” I said, acting as though this was the first time I had noticed that. I put the teddy bear back on the shelf, and Josh and I found Kristen and left the toy store.






We spent the rest of the afternoon finishing up our work in the beach store, and finally it was time to go back home. As we rode back in the car, I knew that I would simply have to approach Kylie about all of this. I figured it would be best to do it after dinner, and it would probably be best to ask Kylie to go for a walk on the beach. That way I could take my time and I wouldn’t have to worry about us being overheard.


Like normal, we all had dinner together and relaxed in the living room afterwards. Forcing myself to get past my nervousness, I went up to her and asked if she would go for a walk with me. She seemed a little surprised but she agreed, and we told her parents we’d be back before too long.


As we went out, at first I didn’t say anything. I looked out at the beautiful night sky and felt the light breeze over my body. I had always loved the beach, and there was something special about relaxingly walking along the shoreline at night while the families and college kids did the same. It was so comfortable that I almost forgot Kylie was with me…

After about ten minutes of silence, I knew I would have to break it. Kylie was sure to be wondering why I had asked her on this walk and I knew I just had to finally let her know what I was truly feeling.

“Um, Kylie?” I asked.

She looked at me in the dark and just calmly said, “Yeah?”

“Well, um…first of all…I uh, want to say I’m sorry for being so…cold with you lately.”

She didn’t say anything just yet, so I continued on.

“I…don’t know why I’ve been this way. It’s kind of…a lot of things. Geez, I don’t know how to say this…”

Even though Kylie was waiting on me, I could tell she was warming up to it. I somehow knew that she had been waiting for this explanation.

“I just…I don’t know,” I said. “I’ve just been feeling so much lately. And I’ve just been so embarrassed and ashamed…and I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

I felt a lump forming in my throat and my mouth felt dry. It was like all of my feelings were coming to a head and if I didn’t let them pour out I would just die.

“Oh, Eric,” Kylie began. “Really, it’s okay…you don’t have to feel bad…”

“But I do!” I stammered. “I feel so horrible! I don’t know what’s going on!”

My emotions were starting to overtake me. I wanted to stay calm, I wanted to keep things in control…but it was like everything from the past week was just bursting out of me and I couldn’t stop it. Before I knew it tears were coming down my cheeks and I was turning into a blubbering mess.

Kylie was starting to look surprised and a little uncomfortable, so she said, “Eric…it’s okay…really…it’s fine. You can tell me. What is it? What’s wrong?”

My tears continued to fall and I started to feel even worse. Now I was crying in front of Kylie! This was the shame of all shames. I tried to turn away from her but she wouldn’t let me.

“It’s just…it’s just…” I wasn’t even able to get it out I was crying so hard. My face was red hot and my sobs were all that was able to come out.

Out of nowhere I felt Kylie’s hands guide my face into her shoulder. For some reason this comforted me a whole lot, but at the same time it gave me a huge signal to completely let go of my pride and let out all of my tears, pain and frustration.

I was beyond the point of feeling embarrassed. I didn’t even think about that as I continued to sob into Kylie’s shoulder as she mumbled, “There there…it’s ok. Whatever it is…it’s fine. Really. You can tell me. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

As I continue to cry, I was able to get out a few sentences. “I just…feel so horrible for this whole bedwetting thing! And wearing diapers! Really, what kind of ****ed up freak needs to wear diapers!”

“Eric…I told you…it’s ok. Really…it’s not your fault! And I’m ok with it! No one else knows! You DON’T need to feel bad!”

“But…but…that’s not all!” I stammered. I was so overtaken in the emotion that all of my inhibitions were gone. This was the time to take the full plunge.

“I…I don’t know how to say this…but…you know when you…p-p-powdered me! And put the d-d-diaper on me?”

“Yes…” she said.

“Well…” I said, now taking my face off of her shoulder and looking at her. “I…d-don’t know why, but I…well…I liked it.”

She seemed surprised at this, but she didn’t look mad or irritated or anything. She actually smiled a bit. “Really?” she asked.

“Well…yeah,” I said.

“But…you acted like you hated it! You were all embarrassed and uncomfortable and you complained…”

“Well, I mean,” I stammered, wiping a few tears away. “At first, yeah…I hated it. I felt so horrible. But after I kind of got used to it…it was pretty…nice.”

“Seriously?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I gulped. “And…and…that’s why I feel so ****ED UP!” I started crying again. “What kind of pussy likes being powdered and diapered like a ****ING BABY!”

As I started crying again, Kylie tried to comfort me by saying “Oh…Eric…don’t say that. It’s all right…there’s nothing wrong with you…”

“Yes there is!” I choked through my tears. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better! There’s something messed up about me and I don’t know what it is!”

“Eric, honestly…listen to me. IT IS OKAY! You can’t change what you feel. And you’re not messed up. There’s nothing wrong with you! You’re great and wonderful just the way you are! And nothing…not bedwetting, not diapers, not enjoying it…none of that changes that! The only problem is that you’re not accepting it and being happy with who you are!”

I just stood there and choked back some more tears. Kylie’s words felt so nice…especially the part about me being great and wonderful. But a small part of me felt like she was just making this up. And then there was the teddy bear…

“Well…fine!” I said. “So maybe it’s ok if I don’t mind the diapers. But what about that damn teddy bear?! I just…wanted to h-h-hug it! And…geez, what the **** is wrong with me…I wanted to suck my goddamn thumb!”

“Eric…is that why you haven’t been talking to me? Are you worried about THAT? Did you really think I would think less of you because of THAT?”

Of course I did…so I just responded by saying, “Well…yeah. I mean…don’t you?”

“NO!!” she responded. “Of course not! Eric, I’m the one who owns those stuffed animals! I sleep with them! I like to hug them too! When I’m sad I like to cuddle up with them and it makes me feel happy!”

“Yeah, but you’re a girl! It’s okay for girls to do that! It’s not normal for guys!”

“Eric, who gives a damn about being normal? You need to stop wanting to be normal and start being happy with being you!”

“Yeah, but being me means sucking my damn thumb!”

“Well…so what? Honestly, there are much worse things in the world. You could be a rapist, or an drug addict, or a child abuser. Really, Eric…you’re a great person, and liking a teddy bear or diapers or even sucking your thumb every now and then doesn’t change that!”

“Yeah right,” I said, wiping away a few more tears. “You’re just saying that.”

“Eric, when are you going to get it through you’re head that I’m NOT JUST SAYING IT!!! I’m being totally honest with you! And until you trust me on that we’re not going to be able to be real friends!”

I didn’t say anything for about a full minute. I just made myself stop crying and wiped my face off.

I looked at Kylie and said, “Truly, one hundred percent…are you telling the truth?”

“For the last time…YES.”

“So you honestly think it’s ok that I like you to put diapers on me…and that I enjoyed cuddling your teddy bear…and that I liked sucking my thumb?”

“I mean, I won’t deny that it’s quite unusual…but yes, I am FINE with it. It’s not hurting anyone, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, it’s actually pretty nice…normally guys are so “badd” and tough and strong and macho…they don’t show any feelings or their sensitive sides. But you…yeah, you act a little macho and try to be cool…but you have an honesty about you, Eric. And you have this nice side. And if you just let it shine through and be happy with who you are…you’ll be much better off.”

It was so hard to believe I was hearing this…or to believe it was for real.

“Besides,” Kylie said, again with that faint smile. “I actually find it…cute. It reminds me of some little boys I used to baby-sit. It was nice to put them in their cribs and see them snuggle up with their teddy bears, thumbs jammed in their mouths. And it was kind of sweet to playfully powder them and change their diapers. You have that innocence about you. Yeah…I’ve never seen it before in someone your age. But…it’s a nice change. No pun intended,” she added with a wink.

Now I really could hardly believe what I’m saying.

“You mean that?” I asked. “You actually enjoy…putting a diaper on me?”

“Well…in a very weird way…yes,” she said with a smile.

My mind was going cloudy. Everything was coming all together…everything I had ever dreamed of and more was slowly shifting into reality…

“So really, Eric…cheer up, don’t feel sad…we’ll just keep all of this between us, and at night I’ll just sneak up to your room and I’ll get you ready for bed. It’ll be our little tradition.”

“Well…ok then,” I said. We were approaching the house again, so there wasn’t much more to be said.

As we walked into the house and saw the others, it struck me as so crazy that none of them had any idea what was going on. They had no idea that I had just spilled my guts and cried my eyes out in front of Kylie and that she actually found all of my weird desires to be ok…and even cute!

I was way too drained to do anything else that evening, so I let everyone know I was going to bed. After brushing my teeth and taking my pants off, there was a knock at the door and I knew who it had to be.

I let Kylie in with her holding the usual plastic bag to keep everything hidden. I felt excited as we laid the towel down and I took off my boxers. Suddenly things felt fun, relaxed and exciting as she spread out the diaper and asked me to lay down on it.

I closed my eyes in peaceful bliss as she lovingly applied the baby powder on me. It felt so great as she smiled at me and pulled the diaper snugly over my waist and taped it on. I felt a sudden exciting urge to everything even further, and even though my stomach felt queasy as I said it, I said, “Kylie…do you think you could…um…talk to me like you did the other night? Like I was…you know…a…a…

“…baby!” I finally blurted out.

Once again Kylie looked surprised, but in a pleasant way. She smiled a calm smile and said, “Sure, Eric. In fact, I kind of like it too.”

Feeling my body go tense with exciting anticipation, I felt woozy all over as Kylie said, “Oh wook at my cute wittle snuggle bear! He wooks SOOO adorable in his cute little dipee!” She even playfully pinched my cheek and added “He’s tuch a good wittle bay-bee!”

Despite the fact that I went beet red, I felt the hugest adrenaline rush that I could possibly imagine. I was so caught up in the emotion that there was no room to feel ashamed.


Kylie just smiled and said, “All right, Eric. I think that’s enough for tonight.”

I actually agreed since I felt I would burst if this continued any more. I saw Kylie lock the door as I hopped into bed under the blanket.

“Oh…there’s just one more thing,” Kylie said. She reached into the plastic bag, and to my surprise, she pulled out her teddy bear.

“I thought you might enjoy sleeping with Mr. Snuggle Bear tonight. Don’t worry…I’ll be fine without him. Sleep tight.”

She tossed me the teddy bear as I just looked at her in awe. I had thought things couldn’t get any better, but this was beyond my wildest dreams. As Kylie left the room and closed the now locked door, I just stared at the teddy bear for a few seconds. Not being able to resist any more, I held it in my arms and squeezed it tightly against my body and rubbed it against my face.

I excitedly turned out the light, dove under the blanket and engaged in true, wonderful bliss. Without restraint I jammed my thumb into my mouth and clasped the teddy bear tightly to my chest. I was engaged in perfect harmony and wonderful feelings danced in my head. Automatically I viewed myself as a toddler who had just been put into a clean diaper and was now happily snoozing away with his cuddly teddy bear. Kylie’s baby-talk words flowed through my head as drifted off into a state of pure wonder.

For once, I didn’t feel the slightest bit ashamed of any of this and I fell into the most peaceful sleep I could ever imagine.


When I woke up in the morning I was initially surprised at the feeling of holding the teddy bear against my body and having my thumb in my mouth…it’s not like I was used to it. But after I got over the surprise I was reminded of the night before and it felt good. It was nice and comfortable in the bed and the softness of the teddy bear made it feel even cozier.

But, the wetness of my diaper wasn’t, so I forced myself to get out of bed and get changed. After undressing and showering, I got dressed and hid the diaper. I then realized that I didn’t want to leave Kylie’s teddy bear on my bed…so I grabbed it and hid it in the closet as well.

When I went downstairs I realized I was the last one getting up this morning. As I sat down to start eating breakfast, Kylie’s mom said to me, “You’re up a little later this morning, Eric…did you sleep ok?”

“Yeah,” I said. I couldn’t resist. “I slept like a baby.” Kylie choked a little on her drink, and I shot her a small smile. No one else seemed to notice.

“Well, in that case I’m sure you’re up for helping us out at the shop again today? I think it’s you, Kylie and Josh today.”

“Sure, sounds great.”

In fact, I was kind of eager to get busy doing something. I had a lot of funny feelings about everything that had been going on. I wasn’t really ashamed of my newfound enjoyment of a teddy bear or sucking my thumb, but it was pretty new and it had been pretty crazy. I kind of wanted to get away from babyish type things and do something different.

So as I moved around boxes and retrieved forms at the shop, my mind didn’t dwell on those new feelings of enjoyment of those babyish things. I didn’t even think about them. It was nice just to feel normal again.

Even my feelings about Kylie had improved. I still found myself wondering about what she thought about me and I still felt I did a lot of stupid things around her…but for the most part it was better. I didn’t concern myself with it so much and I wasn’t stressing as badly.

Up until this point it seemed like every day was throwing something else new at me. But now things were actually going pretty smoothly. I would just go in to the store most days and help out, and then we would get home and enjoy ourselves. Then, right before it was time to go to bed, Kylie and I would have our little ritual. By that time in the evening I started yearning for the cozy comfort of Kylie’s baby talk and her teddy bear. Then, by the time the next day started going, I wanted to do something else. Everything kind of balanced out.

Life was actually going pretty good for a couple of weeks. However, there were a few things coming up. First was my appointment with the therapist. Secondly, a few days afterward would be my birthday.

About a week before my appointment Kylie’s parents asked me if I still needed to go. They said that they had seen a big improvement since my doctor’s appointment and wondered if I still needed to go. Since my bedwetting hadn’t stopped, I knew that I still needed to…so I just said that I had still been feeling kind of funny and hadn’t gotten completely over my homesickness. I was actually looking forward to going to the therapist…I’d be able to tell someone else about all of these feelings and maybe even mention the thumb sucking and teddy bear enjoyment.

That night I was in for a surprise. After Kylie put my diaper on me like she always did, she said, “So, Eric…are you still sucking your thumb?”

I felt myself go a little red and said, “Um…yeah.”

“Well, I think I have something that might help you with that.”

“Really?” I was thinking maybe she had some meditation technique or something that might get my mind off of it.

“Yeah…here, take a look at this.”

She reached into her usual plastic bag and pulled out…a baby’s pacifier.

I just looked at it for a second and then at her. “What is that?” I asked.

Kylie smiled. “What does it look like, silly? It’s a pacifier.”

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“Oh come on, Eric, it can’t hurt to try it, right?”

“Do you really expect me to suck on a pacifier?”

“Please?” she asked me, showing me puppy-dog eyes. “Do it for me?”

I couldn’t believe she actually wanted to me to do this. What I couldn’t believe more was that I was actually going to. Why was it Kylie was able to make me do whatever she wanted, no matter how crazy it was?

“Ok…fine,” I sighed.

Kylie gave an excited smile and said, “Ok, open up!”

I opened my mouth up and felt her push the pacifier into my mouth. I bit down on it once it was in.

Kylie giggled childishly and said, “Oh, Eric, you look so adorable! So how is it?”

I grabbed the pacifier ring and pulled it out of my mouth. “Well…I feel like an idiot, but I guess it’s ok. Better than getting spit on my thumb.”

“Good. Well, I’m glad I thought of it then. Hmmm….wait right there just a few minutes. You can lock the door, I’ll knock when I come back.”

Before I could stop her, Kylie left the room. Taking her advice, I locked the door…I didn’t want anyone else to see me with a diaper and pacifier.

I heard a knock on the door a few minutes later, and just to be sure Kylie said, “It’s ok, it’s me.”

I opened the door and let her in. Then I realized why she had left…she now had a camera.

“No!” I told her, feeling very uncomfortable and shaking my head. “No way, I don’t need a record of this.”

Kylie just smiled and said, “Oh come on Eric, this is just too cute to forget about. When else am I ever going to see a teenage guy sucking a pacifier and wearing a diaper?”

“Well, if it was up to me you would have never seen this one! Why in the world do you need a picture of this?”

“Like I said, Eric, it’s just too cute to pass up! Don’t worry, I’d be very very careful with it…no one would ever see it.”

“No way! I can’t take that risk!”

“Oh please, Eric? Pretty pretty pretty please? Do it for me?”

And once again, Kylie gave me those puppy-dog eyes. I wanted to tell her no, I really really did…but the thought of making Kylie happy was just way to much to resist.

I let out another sigh and said, “Fine. ONE picture.”

Kylie clapped her hands and giddily smiled. “Yay!” she said in her childish voice that girls seem to reserve for pets and baby showers.

“Ok, first of all you need your paci…”

As I stood there stunned, she took the pacifier and once again put it in my mouth.

“Ok, and now we need the teddy…” She took the teddy bear and gave it to me as I took it and glared at her.

“All right, now we need a really cute pose…I know, you can sit on the bed and cuddle the teddy bear while closing your eyes…that would be just perfect!”

She told me exactly how she wanted me positioned as I humored her. I could tell she enjoyed bossing me around, prolonging this as long as possible. Once she had gotten me exactly where she wanted me, she said, “There! Now, hold still while I take the picture.”

I sat there with my arms around the teddy bear, my cheek pressed against it while sucking on the pacifier with my eyes closed. She then said, “Smile!” and I did so (almost of reflex) and I felt the flash go off.

Since it was a digital camera, she could look at the picture right away. “Great!” she said. “You look so content…like a cute little angel!”

I couldn’t resist. I walked over to look at the picture. It was so weird seeing myself like that. I kind of reminded myself of a tired out little toddler.

“All right Eric, that’s it. Thank you!”

With that, she gave me a small kiss on the cheek and said, “Good night!”

With that, she left me there dumbfounded. I just looked at the pacifier for a second. Did all of that really just happen?

Kylie really must have been enjoying treating me like a little kid. The funny thing was that I was enjoying it too. I had gotten butterflies in my stomach when I was standing there in a diaper with a pacifier in my mouth and Kylie telling me I was adorable. It was another one of those unexpected rushes.

As I climbed into bed with Kylie’s teddy bear, I tried putting the pacifier in my mouth. It was…different. It was smaller than my thumb, but it was also softer. I could also bite down on it if I wanted, and now both of my hands were free. I still got the calming sensation of sucking on something, but now I could wrap both arms around the teddy bear while I slept. It was a very cozy feeling.

When I woke up the next day I wondered what I was going to do with the pacifier. I figured I could just keep it hidden in the closet with the teddy bear. I didn’t want anyone to ever run across it, so I found a nice little hiding place for it behind some other stuff in there.

It was finally a day that both Kylie and I didn’t have to go into the store. This left us home alone together. Normally I would have dreaded it…but I had gotten so used to being around Kylie it actually wasn’t too bad. I was thinking I’d be able to enjoy the good feelings I got from her without having to worry about doing something stupid.

It was still somewhat awkward being there with just her. Normally there were other people around and the conversations just kind of bounced between all of us. Now that it was just the two of us I found we didn’t have much to talk about. I still wasn’t comfortable enough with Kylie that I could completely relax like I did around Josh. So I actually spent most of the morning out on the beach trying to keep away from Kylie.

It turned out that Kylie actually had plenty to talk about when I got back, however. I would find that the pacifier wasn’t the only “idea” that Kylie had come up with.