[woof]

You might want to go back to the editing.

For example:

"What's wrong?" The kids response was "Why would you care?" I said "I can't stand to see other people suffer in saddness, by the way names Adam." "I'm Andy" "What's wrong?" "I don't feel comfortable talking to another person about this problem that I have." "I know what your going through, I can't even talk to my mom about the problem that I have without her freaking out.""Same here I know what you mean, have you ever felt lonley? "All the time. And how about you?" "I feel like I'm alone all the time" said Andy with his head nodded down. To cheer him up I said "Maybe we can be friends and talk to eachother about our problems. So that way we both wouldn't feel alone." Andy said "Even though we just met, do you think that you can sleep over so that way we can talk and get to know eachother?" Right away I said "That will be great." I rushed home and asked mom if I can stay the night at Andy's and she said that it was alright. I walked next door and Andy said that his parents said that it was alright.

Would become:

"What's wrong?"

The kids response was "Why would you care?"

I said "I can't stand to see other people suffer in saddness, by the way names Adam."

"I'm Andy"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't feel comfortable talking to another person about this problem that I have."

"I know what your going through, I can't even talk to my mom about the problem that I have without her freaking out."

"Same here I know what you mean, have you ever felt lonley? "All the time. And how about you?"

"I feel like I'm alone all the time" said Andy with his head nodded down.

To cheer him up I said "Maybe we can be friends and talk to eachother about our problems. So that way we both wouldn't feel alone."

Andy said "Even though we just met, do you think that you can sleep over so that way we can talk and get to know eachother?"

Right away I said "That will be great."

I rushed home and asked mom if I can stay the night at Andy's and she said that it was alright. I walked next door and Andy said that his parents said that it was alright.

But even then, the dialogue is really corny and completely unrealistic. It's basically: "Hey, I know we JUST met and I have no idea who you are, but I totally feel like trusting you completely and revealing my absolute darkest secret!"

"Golly, that's swell! Let's be friends forever! Now I'm not lonely!"

So I'd encourage you to make the dialogue a bit more... believeable. Also, you don't need the "Message" at the end. The story's message should be implicit, not explicit.

But, good shot at it. With a little editing it will be a good story.