[Chromos]

Not bad.. but there are some things I'd like to critique.

1.)I think it would be best if you chose an actual name for the main character. I know you want to put yourself into this story, but I don't think that using you user name of "snydead" is the best option, mainly because it gives the character an inhuman quality. Plus, it makes it sound wierd when he introduces himsels as that, and the other person doesn't go "What?!", and acts like it's normal..

2.There are several spelling/ grammar mistakes that stand out; such as extra words that don't go with the rest, typos, some spelling mistakes, and left out punctuation marks. Sometimes the marks you used didn't match up to the vibe I was getting. Also, I would like to point out, that the dialogue seems rather unrealistic.. These two guys just barely met, and their already spilling their guts out to each other..

3.)You wrote this fast, didn't you? It shows because you jump from one thing to the next rather quickly on several parts. You also don't go into a lot of detail. I know you said that you aren't good at that, and I understand that, but adding description to things can really help the reader to understand the characters environment. Also, the way that the time line moves is fast.. From the time that he was caught by his mom, to the time where he was sent to a doctor was about two sentences.. His mom didn't even seem to make an appointment that I could see.

4.)Be sure to remember that a new paragrah starts anytime a new person speaks.

That's all for now! I hope I helped somewhat..