To be totally honest, I really have no idea what's going on in this story other than the main character Rick got in a fight.
The spelling and grammar could both use a lot of work and I'm unsure if it was simply an error in moving the story from whatever program you wrote it in to the ADISC site but the paragraph structure is just....abysmal. I had to stop reading halfway through because it hurt my eyes.
Not insulting it, that's just...my opinion.
And for me, that's.....that's gentle.
Here's how I'd write it.
Quote:
Prelude
As the car drove closer to the building I got a strange feeling about the place.
Sh*t, I’m sorry, I should tell you a little back story before we get in to the topic of how my life got so strange.
My name is Rick and the last person who called me Dick was a bull dyke from school who was sleeping with my girlfriend. She thought I was a 'big enough' man not to hit girls. She turned her back on me, walked two steps, and then I jumped her. Ten minutes later, she was at the hospital with five broken bones, three missing teeth, and one hell of a bruise on her ego.
Then again, I had nine broken bones, five missing teeth, and a right to remain silent.
Yes, I know hitting girls is wrong but for **** sakes she was hands down the bigger man in the situation. She was around 300 pounds with 8% body fat (I know this because she was the big star of half the sports teams.), and was almost seven feet tall! (Six foot 12 is seven feet.....you know that right?) A few people were shocked that I did such a thing and lived to tell the tale, but as I said, she was sleeping with my girlfriend.
This was not my first act of senseless violence (I call it senseful violence, ‘cause it always made sense at the time), or even the 20th for that matter. 
I was ****ed.
My attorney said that if I was convicted, I was looking at 5-10 years in state, but the prosecutor was willing to strike a deal. Pleading guilty would get 3 years in an experimental reform school. That was one hell of a bargain, and I took it with out a second thought. I got home, looked up this experimental reform school on the internet,
and the first thing that I thought was ‘shit!’
|