With that title for the topic you are making a big sign for critics to come look. What is the story title? Go over the story. I see a few spelling mistakes. You aren't starting off good for a plot line. Is the person sleeping with the main character's girlfriend a lezbien girl or a guy? Another thing if the girlfriend was bi and was sleeping with another girl her boyfriend would most likely know. Many people and most don't mind that if they are dating a bi person. It just seems confusing.
I want to see if you can work out a good plot line and see if you can pull off this flash back. Which you need to change the start of the flash back.
"Shit, I’m sorry, I should tell you a little back story before we get in to, ‘How my life got really, odd.’"
Should be like"this all goes back to a couple (period of time) ago"
Also check grammar. Like don't hit enter so often.
Like this part has to many enter spots.
"My attorney said that if I was convicted, I was looking at 5-10 years in state,
but the prosecutor was willing to strike a deal.
Pleading guilty would get 3 years in an
experimentle reform school. That was one hell of a bargen,
and took it with out a second thought.
I got home, looked up this experimentle reform school on the internet,
and the first thing that I thought was ‘shit!’"
Also listen to pojo and tone your language down or put a mature parts warning.
|