*Dons his Professional Critic Hat*
This is a great story, one of the best I've seen on here in a long time. As such, my time wearing this hat will be short! :p
As others have said, your spelling is an issue. Not anywhere near as big of an issue as it is with a lot of other stories posted on here, but an issue nonetheless. As I have said countless times, copy-pasting your post into a word processor and using the spellcheck (or enabling the spell-check extension on Firefox if you use it) can work wonders to get the little 'whoopsies' out of an otherwise impeccable story.
Keep it up, I see the grammar and spelling improving with each chapter - stay on this road and it'll look professional in no time!
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