[Baby Jake]

“Chapter Fourteen, A Familiar Melody (ext-d.)”


“Hey baby” I heard.

I let out a kind of whimper, but not one of sadness, as my eyes slowly creaked open. There was sunlight that was flooding the room, illuminating every corner. I looked up, and there was my mommy, standing over me with a sweet smile. I smiled back, and she giggled…

She slowly reached for me, and picked me up effortlessly, out of my crib, and across the room, and finally laid me down on my changing table.

“Are you wet? You wet your diapee?” she said.

I of course contently giggled at the silliness of the word diapee. I also of course knew it was just a saying for diaper.

She took her index finger, and quickly slipped it down the front of my exposed diaper.

“Yeah you’re wet! You need a change!” she giggled.

She laid me down (since I was pretty much in the sitting position before), onto my back. I had gone through this so many times… she began to open my diaper by tearing the tapes from the front, and folded it down, exposing me completely.

Then, she began to slowly sing a song as she reached for a baby wipe and a fresh diaper from the shelve built into the table. She picked my legs up, and wiped by butt once or twice (I had apparently messed my diaper in my sleep, too…) and laid my legs back down. Then finally, she wiped the front of my diaper area, and eventually tossed the used wipes and the used diaper away into a trashcan.

Then finally, she took the baby powder and put some into her hand, and she rubbed it all over my diaper-area… all over my butt and on my front, too. And finally, she took a clean diaper, lifted my legs up one last time, and put the fresh diaper underneath me. She pulled the front over, and taped it very securely, leaving me laying there with her singing me a song, in a fresh diaper, as content as could be.

“I bet you’re hungry huh Aden? We’ll get you you’re bah-bah, okay? You want your bah-bah?” she jokingly asked me, chuckling.

I laughed and giggled, as she picked me up once more. I put my thumb into my mouth and began to suck contently, as she began to carry me out of my nursery, and into the kitchen…

---

Suddenly everything changed. The whole situation… my mother holding me so carefully in her arms had faded. Everything had faded and I was suddenly finding myself in my room (my current room) with my eyes shut, and a blanket over me. I had been dreaming once again… that same, yet always-different, dream of me being cared for by my mom, and me as an infant. It was once again so damn clear and realistic it almost seemed as though it wasn’t a dream at all.

I opened my eyes, sighed (which eventually turned into a yawn), stretched and cracked every bone in my body… same old deal. I laid in my bed for a few more minutes, before finally sitting up, and letting reality sink in for a few moments. Finally, I eventually stood up and walked out of my room, and into the kitchen.

It was daylight… and the clock on the wall of my kitchen told me it was still pretty early (some time around 9AM). I figured my mom was already at work, so I prepared myself a breakfast with the dream still stuck into my head.

The visions of my mom standing over me… her singing that song… that song… that song was so familiar. I heard it somewhere before. Remembering it brought that feeling I had in the dream, which was the feeling I got when wearing a diaper and sucking my thumb…

Then it hit me.

It was my mother’s song. It was my song. It was our song. It was the song she’d sing to me every time she was changing my diaper, or putting me to sleep… or giving me a bath. It was our song! She’d sing it, or hum it softly… And now that I heard it… again… it hit a chord. Suddenly, right there in the kitchen… as I was getting myself some cereal… I suddenly felt something in my chest just simply got hot, and I felt myself get tears in my eyes.

I sniffed once… and felt my eyes swell up with tears. I gasped for air as I gently placed the bowl and cereal on the table, and then sat down… as I felt myself beginning to gently cry. Something about the song, the dream… everything… it was all too hard and something had snapped. And before I knew it, I was sitting at that kitchen table with my face in my hands, crying unstoppably.

“Why!?” I said to myself, breathing heavily as tears rolled down my face.

“Why am I crying!?” I said to myself. I whimpered once, and twice, and a third time…

It was about five minutes before I could even begin to settle down. Something deep down in me hurt… something in me was aching so bad it made me cry hysterically, right there in my kitchen. My mom’s and my song was stuck in my head, that was just continuously striking a nerve that caused so much aching I couldn’t stop crying.

But the tears eventually, after a slow transition from hysterical to some-what under control, faded and dried, and I was left there to eat my cereal completely confused. I felt the ache still… and suddenly I really, really missed my mom. At that moment, I wanted nothing more to see her walk through that doorway, pick me up, and continue singing that song…

But I knew better. I knew the hard truth that that won’t happen. I was 13 years old, not an infant anymore. I was a young teenager, not the cute, giddy, and giggly baby I was… I was growing up. I wasn’t supposed to wear diapers anymore. Sucking my thumb should be something I’ve gotten long over. And my mom would definitely not sing me our song anymore… at least not with me in her arms like I wanted.

I miserably ate my breakfast, and went back into my room. I wanted to put a diaper on, but I was honestly too miserable at that moment to really put the effort in putting one on. I just sat down in my computer chair, and went online, ignoring the dark feelings of depression, misery, and loneliness that were lingering in my mind.

And that’s what I did, all morning long.

---

I was reading some article on something, when suddenly my phone rang. It was about 12PM now, so I automatically assumed it was Brian, or Seth. The feelings of loneliness, depression, and misery were still present, but only just. I picked up, and asked who it was.

“Hey Aden” I heard. It was Brian’s voice, and he was as chipper as ever…

“Oh. Hey man” I replied, with a kind of austere tone.

“Not much… sitting around with Seth and Daniel” he said.

“Cool…” I said in a kind of grave tone.

I was doing automatically, and honestly didn’t even realize that I was sounding so miserable… but apparently he did.

“Everything alright Aden?” he asked.

I contemplated for a moment…

“Eh… honestly man… yeah… everything’s alright but I’m just feeling really shitty…” I admitted, guilty as charged.

“Oh… how come man?” he asked me.

I of course wasn’t going to answer that with the truth. I wasn’t going to say “I miss my mommy” like I really was…

“Dunno… bad dreams stuck in my head” I said.

“Oh…” Brian said.

“…Well… you want us to come over? Maybe we can cheer you up” Brian offered.

I looked around… and the dismally quiet house I was contained in really made me feel horrible.

“Yeah… yeah that’d be nice” I admitted.

“Yeah?” Brian confirmed…

“Yeah man, come on over. Bring whoever you want, I’ll be here…” I said.

“Alright man, you just hold up. We’ll be there in a few minutes, okay?” he said.

“Okay…” I said.

And with that, we both hung up the phone, and now I was once again still feeling depressed. But I had a ray of hope kind of shining through the darkness, knowing that I had my best friends in the world coming to visit me to try to cheer me up… I felt touched.

---

It was, just like Brian had said over the phone, a few minutes before I heard a car stop in front of my house, and a ring at the doorbell. I more like hovered to the door, and opened it.

“Hey man” I heard.

I looked up, and there was Brian, Seth, and Daniel, standing at my door. The car that was in park outside my house slowly began to accelerate off as they saw that I had answered the door.

“Come on in” I said, trying to sound not as depressed as I really was.

They all came in, and as they all came in, Brian stopped in front of me.

“You alright Ade’?” he asked.

I nodded my head yes, but I could tell my eyes had a look of uncertainty. He nodded his head, showing off he wouldn’t take that as a correct answer. He bent his index finger at move (you know… that signal to follow), and walked towards my room.

I sheepishly followed him, unsure of what his plans were.

“Oh, uh… you can turn the TV. My mom’s not home, so you can make yourselves at home” I said as I followed Brian.

“Alright, thanks” they both said to me as they sat on my couch, and turned on the TV…

I followed Brian until we were standing next to my room.

“Am I allowed in?” he asked me.

I thought for a moment… there were no diapers out in the open…

“Yeah” I said.

He opened the door, and we both proceeded into my room, and then he shut the door behind him, leaving only Brian and I alone in my room. I was unsure why he led me here… but I wasn’t arguing.

“What’s a matter?” he asked me.

I sat down at my computer chair, and made a hand gesture to Brian, telling him he was allowed to sit wherever.

“I told you man… just had some dreams that are stuck in my head that are depressing me” I said.

“Dreams huh?” he said.

“Yeah…” I replied.

“You want to tell me about them or no?” he asked.

I looked at him…

“They’re too difficult to really explain. Too vague, but just one or two elements in them are really just beating me up” I lied.

“Oh… okay” he said.

I nodded…

“Well man… I’d really appreciate if you talked to me about it… I think it’d make you feel better and it’d make you and I get closer as friends” he said.

I shrugged…

“There’s honestly not much to explain” I said.

“Okay…” he said.

I could tell he really wanted to get close with me on the friendly level. I was touched once again. I felt helpless, even though Brian was there willing to hear anything I was willing to say to him. But what was I going to say to him? I’m a diaper-lover… or teen baby… one of them… and those were the kinds of problems I was dealing with.

He simply wouldn’t be able to help me. He probably would even get freaked out, and leave the room. I mean… I really wish I could’ve taken him up on his offer to help me… I’d have loved to tell him everything. The diapers, the thumb sucking, the song, the dream, the sudden want to see my mom but unable to do it… but it simply was too awkward. And he certainly said he wasn’t a diaper-lover… so he says… so… it was just a problem I couldn’t talk to him about.

So rather than taking him up on his offer to help make me feeling emotionally better… I just nodded and left it at that.

“Okay” he said understandingly.

“Brian…” I said morbidly.

“I really appreciate you being here. And I’m not trying to push you away, I really enjoy your efforts… you’ve taken me to a private spot, one-on-one and tried to have this conversation and I really, really do thank you for this but… I really can’t explain it right now. It’s all too complex for me to even understand. But I’ll be fine in a few hours… just… when this shit stops going on in my head.” I explained.

He shook his head understandingly.

“So… thanks… there’s nothing to worry about though…” I assured, standing up, sighing.

“Okay… and really… no need to thank me Aden” he said.

I looked over at him.

“What are friends for?” he said.

I smiled, and nodded my head, and opened my door. We both walked out and into the living room, and we both sat down on the couch, since Daniel was sitting in a chair. We all began to watch TV… and in short time… I did indeed begin to feel better. Although there was that depression that though was fading way, was always lingering in the back of my mind. But I was very fortunate to have my friends over… because they really did start to make me feel better.

---

[ext]

“So you’ve been camping all this time, you two?” Seth asked.

“Yeah, we go every year.” Brian explained.

“Yeah, my dad has been bring Brian and I up to this little portion of land my grandfather owns, see we were like five” Daniel explained.

“Oh, that’s cool. What do you three do normally?” I asked.

“Us four… my grand pop comes up sometimes. We just generally go hiking, camping… fishing and stuff like that. He has a cabin and stuff” Brian explained.

“Oh that’s cool…” I said.

We were all socializing and basically being good friends again. It was fun…

“Yeah man… we’ve had some good times. There’s a lake and stuff that we swim at sometimes” Daniel explained.

I and Seth nodded understandingly.

“Who knows? Maybe you two can come along with us if we go up again” Brian said.

“Thanks man, that’ll be fun” Seth said.

Daniel and Brian nodded.

I took a sip of the Pepsi I had poured myself a few minutes earlier, as Seth began to talk.

“That’s cool that you two go up to your cabin with your dad and grandpa like that. I take it you two are pretty close with them?” Seth said.

“Yeah… we talk a lot during those times. Kind of builds that general male-to-male bonding thing, you know?” Brian began…

“Yeah… but I’ve never really spent a whole lot of time with my dad and I feel I can relate to him a lot” Seth said.

I sat back in my seat just listening in on the conversation, not really paying a whole lot attention to the subject.

“I feel there’s like a weird sense you need in your life, with you and your dad. I can’t really imagine living without a father… can’t really imagine what it’d be like, you know? Having that strange space that your mom just entirely fills” Seth said.

This began to catch my attention a bit… I of course, was idle in the conversation now… and acted as though I wasn’t really caring. But I was getting a bit more interested… after all, I… didn’t have a father. And I’d like to hear where this was going…

“Yeah man… my dad and his dad really bonded through camping and stuff and I think that’s what my dad’s trying to build with Brian and me” Daniel explained.

I continued to listen…

“I really can’t imagine what it’d be like to not have a father…” Brian said.

I felt the need to reveal myself here, before someone said something bad. I did a fake cough, and they all looked at me, since I did that kind of fake cough that you could tell was fake.

“….OH. Dude! I’m so sorry!” Brian said, looking very sincere and embarrassed, and everyone else said the same.

“Nah… I don’t really care” I said.

“Okay… but I really am sorry. I wasn’t thinking” Seth said.

I shrugged.

“Seriously, don’t worry about it. I don’t care” I insisted.

“Okay…” They all said.

But the room was silent now. The once speech-filled room was silent, because of everyone’s embarrassment because of me. I felt a bit embarrassed for killing it…

“…Aden…” Brian spoke sheepishly.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“…I don’t want to seem rude. And I don’t want to speak about things that may make you feel uncomfortable, or you may feel isn’t my business… but do you mind if I ask you a question?” he said sheepishly.

I knew what he was going to ask…

“You want to know about my dad?” I asked.

He nodded.

“Brian, dude. That’s ****ed” Daniel said.

“No, its fine. I don’t really care, like I said. I can talk about it” I explained.

“My dad… I never really met him. He lives in my old town, and according to my mom, he left when I was a still a baby” I explained.

“Oh… that’s horrible” Brian said.

I shrugged.

“From what I was told, he and my mother were actually husband and wife of course; it wasn’t like my mom got knocked up on some one-night stand.” I explained…

“But one day, he just got up and left. This is what I was told. My mom and my dad had a fight, and then, the next morning, he was gone. My mom was left to raise a child, me, by herself.” I explained.

“That’s ****ed” I heard Seth say.

“Yeah… but I’m fine. He still lives in my old town, and my mom has seen him. She has nothing to say to him. Neither do I.” I explained.

“Well… that’s messed up, but at least you aren’t that bothered by the whole matter…” Seth said.

I nodded, agreeing with them. Brian coughed, though…

“Anyways!” he said, insinuating he wanted to get off of the subject.

[/ext]

---

“So how about that sleepover at our house?” Brian said, changing the subject from what it was before.

“Yeah man… I can’t wait for that” I said.

“The 4th is in two days” Brian reminded.

“I’m all for it. All I have to do is ask my mom” I said.

“That’s cool… you think she’ll let you?” Brian asked.

“I’m absolutely positive she will” I assured.

“Awesome. This’ll be sweet, having you two sleepover. We can do all kinds of stuff! We can go to the park, and watch the fireworks and stuff, then come home, and maybe watch some movies, or… do dares…” Brian said.

“Ahhh yes… the dares” Seth said.

“Those were fun. But I don’t know many, they just kind of lost their charm” I said.

Brian looked fairly eager to do them. I looked over at him… as we were discussing the dares for the first time in a month. He still was interested… and I was almost too, but I mean… even I, a diaper-lover (and possible teen-baby) was getting bored with them – and that is a reason for concern. But of course… Brian, the self-proclaimed non-diaper-lover, still wants to do them.

I kind of let a small smirk carry across my face as I looked at Brian. I mean… It was so damn obvious. It was so obvious to me he was a diaper-lover… even if he was unaware of it. Then it occurred to me… maybe he WASN’T aware of it! Maybe Brian, really did enjoy being in diapers, but was unaware of what a diaper-lover was like I was for the first few weeks!

This thought had occurred to me, and I guess I was smirking noticeably because suddenly, Brian pointed it out.

“What’s up Aden?” he asked, knocking me from my trance.

“Huh? Oh nothing… just remembered the dares and stuff, since you mentioned them. They were fun…” I said.

“Yeah… yeah they were pretty good times. And you’re the one that had the biggest problem with them” Brian said laughing.

“Hey… I did too” Seth said, defending me a bit.

“Well, since they got old… I got a few ideas… I thought of a few things to help make them more exciting or more difficult” Brian said.

“Oh? What would that be?” I curiously asked.

He let a devious smile out at me and the room.

“I ain’t telling” he said.

This shocked me a bit. I wasn’t prepared for that response… and now… I was really curious.

“C’mon man” I pried.

“Nope, I ain’t telling. Its gonna be a surprise” he said with a devious smile.

As much as I wanted to know… I at the same time wanted there to be a surprise. But I wondered… what could he possibly have up his sleeve for the 4th of July? I was damn curious now… I was fascinated, while at the same time, kind of nervous to hear what Brian might do to his brother, Seth, and I.

But even though I wanted to know… I wasn’t going to be stubborn. I was going to let Brian have his little fun, and I’ll play along.

“Alright” I said with a confident smile back.

There was a silence in the room after I had said that… kind of an uncomfortable silence.

“…so how about that fireworks display!” Seth said, breaking the silence intentionally.

“Yeah, yeah – that fireworks display at the park, they hold it every year here as you might expect… They got all kinds of fireworks, ones that go boom… usually ones you have to light… ones that make some form of an explosion in the sky” Daniel ranted on sarcastically.

“Let me guess, some are different colors then others?” Seth sarcastically replied with a smile.

“You’re correct young sir.” Daniel replied just as sarcastically.

We all laughed.

“Nah, for real… what’s going down with that?” Seth asked.

“Alright… if I’m not mistaken… we should all drive up, and arrive at like… 8:30, maybe, ‘cus that gives us an hour before the sun is all the way down. We can do whatever at the little festival they always have there, then when the sun is pretty far down, they’ll start shooting stuff off until probably 11PM. Then we can come back to my house, we can do dares or whatever we want… and basically do whatever till tomorrow” Brian explained.

“Festival huh?” I intriguingly said.

“Yes. They have all kinds of stands with games with prizes and stuff” Brian said.

“Yeah… sounds a lot like what my old town used to do” I said.

“Welp… sounds fun guys” Seth said.

“Yeah, sounds fun” I agreed.

“Well I don’t know about you two, or you Daniel… but I’m in the mood for some ice cream. Anyone want to walk down to the ice-cream shop and get something?” Brian asked.

I felt around in my pocket… these were the same pants I was wearing yesterday when I went to buy the diapers. It still had my change in it.

“I’ve got money” I said.

“I brought some” Seth said.

“Yeah… me too” Daniel said, feeling around in his pocket.

“Alright… so you guys want to go there then?” Brian confirmed.

“Yeah” we all concurred.

“Sweet… alright, well… let’s go then!” Brian excitedly said.

It was a much longer trek then originally planned, or than it was the first time I had gone there, when I was on my bike with Seth. But, in time, we of course arrived, talking all the way there.

We ate our ice-cream, and eventually came back to my house. By then, I was all cheered up and was happy. The depression from earlier that day had vanished, and I was as happy as ever as I was hanging out with my friends. But of course, they had to leave in time. It was many hours before they had to leave though, and by the time they did… it was almost dusk.

---

“Alright, see you guys” I said, waving them off as Brian and Daniel went into their mom’s car, and Seth was walking home.

“Cya Aden” they all said as they left.

I watched all three of them vanish from my site. The street light all popped on as the sun was low enough, making what I could see of Seth, a black silhouette in the distance. I smiled as the day all came into memory, and walked back inside of my house, filled with hope for the 4th of July.

And as I was thinking of what the sleepover we’ve planned would be like… what Brian said to me all came back into memory. About what he said about he has some fresh ideas, and that it’s a surprise. I was still very curious… but as I wondered, with this time and silence to myself… I became more and more curious, as ideas flooded my mind.

I wondered what it could possibly be. Was it something to do with diapers? If so… what could possibly be so much more different then the ones we were already doing? But then again… maybe they had nothing to do with diapers at all. Maybe it was something completely new… something totally fresh. My attempts to bring those to mind were going no where.

I shrugged it off. I knew it was inevitable and my trying to break Brian’s surprise was getting me no where. So instead… I just kind of laid there, thinking of random things.

“Man… Brian, Daniel, and Seth are such good friends” I thought.

“I mean… they came all the way over here just to cheer me up…” I remembered.

“I can’t wait for Monday…” I said to myself. Monday, was the Fourth of July.